


Ironic Fate

by daveu



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Did I Mention Angst?, Established Relationship, M/M, and i'm sorry for that???, angst with major character death, bang chan is just mentioned, binsung is here if you squint, hyunjin has amnesia, seungjin - Freeform, seungmin cries a lot, the cliche amnesia fic that literally nobody asked for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-24 10:34:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 28,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18569653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daveu/pseuds/daveu
Summary: People say life is a mystery. You can meet someone in a way you’ve never imagined, and they might end up changing your life forever.





	Ironic Fate

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: (and spoilers)  
> (i) mentions of suic*de (if this makes you uncomfortable, then please don't read this)  
> (ii) **major character death** (in case the first warning didn't work, then maybe this will make you not want to read this)
> 
> OTHER WARNINGS:  
> (i) unbetaed (English is like my third language so please expect a lot? of errors and mistakes in grammar and spelling, and also please excuse me if there are inconsistencies, lack of details, plot holes, etc... but I've done a little bit of editing so hopefully there will be lesser now)  
> (ii) alcohol drinking?  
> (iii) profanity  
> (iv) accidents, mentions of blood, etc.

 

 

_4th of April_

_2017_

Sunlight passes through the glass windows as soon as Seungmin pulls the curtains, filtering everything inside the four walls of their shared room. It’s barely seven in the morning, yet the sun is already shining brightly outside – spring’s always been like that. Seungmin turns to look at the bed where his boyfriend is, still sleeping and seemingly unbothered by the sunlight directly hitting his face. Today is one of those typical days when he wakes up before Hyunjin, and Seungmin always loves days like this in particular. He stares at the sight for a moment, silently admiring the beauty that is right in front of him. He feels his heart beating a little bit faster than usual as his lips part slightly. Even after three years of being together, and living together, with Hwang Hyunjin, Seungmin still thinks that he will never get used to this. He can never get used to _this_.

It’s a Tuesday, and today marks their third anniversary. Seungmin wants nothing but to make it simple yet special, this time, since Hyunjin’s always had different plans the past years. Like, he’d always made sure to buy Seungmin _expensive_ gifts, and take him to eat dinner in _expensive_ restaurants, then surprise him after they’re done eating. It’s not like Seungmin is against Hyunjin doing that every year – he absolutely loves every effort Hyunjin exerts into their relationship – it’s just that, he thinks Hyunjin could’ve had saved the money to buy something that he wants for himself, instead of spending it just for a day that will soon enough pass by.

_“It’s not just any simple day,”_ Hyunjin had said on their first anniversary when Seungmin didn’t want to accept his gift. It was a silver bracelet that Seungmin had his eyes on whenever they pass by the jewellery shop when entering the mall every time they went shopping. _“It’s our anniversary, Minnie. It should be special. And, didn't you like this?”_

_“Are you kidding? Of course I love it.”_ Seungmin replied. _“It’s just that... you don’t have to buy me this. Having you, being with you, it’s already more than enough, Jinnie.”_

Hyunjin didn’t say anything after that. Instead, he just wrapped his arms around Seungmin’s waist and held him tight. Seungmin did the same, then he planted a soft kiss on Hyunjin’s cheek before leaning closer to his ear. _“I love you.”_ He whispered, and seeing Hyunjin’s smile after that made him think that _yes, this is indeed already more than enough_.

Seungmin walks towards the bed when Hyunjin showed no signs of waking up. Shaking his head, he sits on the bed beside the sleeping boy and smiles at him fondly.

“Jinnie, wake up,” he says as he pokes Hyunjin’s cheek multiple times, but he got no response from the older boy. He low-key thinks that Hyunjin is just faking it, but knowing that his boyfriend worked overtime and went home at ten thirty last night, he must still be dead tired until now.

But Seungmin didn’t want to waste time. After all, Hyunjin had requested a day-off for today in exchange to working overtime last night.

Leaning down, he plants a soft kiss on Hyunjin’s cheek, and brushes off some stray hair strands that are covering his closed his eyes. “Happy anniversary, my prince. Please wake up,” he whispers as he plants another kiss on Hyunjin’s other cheek, and another one on his forehead, and another one on the tip of his nose. Seungmin continues with what he was doing until he’s showering Hyunjin’s face with soft kisses.

He hears a groan, and Seungmin takes that as a cue that Hyunjin is _finally_ waking up, though the older boy’s still not opening his eyes.

Seungmin stares at him, again, for a moment, and when his eyes landed on Hyunjin’s lips, Seungmin almost immediately leans down and kisses him. Closing his eyes, he tilts his head slightly to the side so that their noses aren’t bumping against each other. He then moves a hand towards Hyunjin’s hair to play with his soft locks. He stays like that for a moment, and a few seconds later, he feels a hand on his cheek, and another one on his nape.

Then he feels Hyunjin smiling into the kiss, and Seungmin can’t help it but do the same. They continue kissing, long and sweet, until they eventually feel the need to breathe and pull away. Seungmin bites Hyunjin’s lower lip, pecking his lips one last time before looking at him. The older boy is now, finally, peeling his eyes open, and blinking in such a cute manner that has Seungmin wanting to kiss him again.

Hyunjin rubs the sleepiness away from his eyes, and blinks for a few more times before finally looking at Seungmin. “Good morning, my baby.” He groggily says, smiling widely. He still looks tired, and his eye bags are slightly visible, but he’s still just as beautiful as ever.

Seungmin didn’t say anything for a while. Neither of them did. They’re just looking into each other’s eyes lovingly, with wide smiles plastered on their faces.

“Good morning, my prince,” Seungmin says a few moments later, breaking the comfortable silence in the room. “Your breath stinks.”

Hyunjin rolls his eyes, but he’s still smiling. “You kissed me.” He says, raising an eyebrow.

“Sorry, I can’t help it when you looked so beautiful while sleeping.”

“That’s honestly disgusting, but okay.”

“You love it.”

“Oh, come here you-” Hyunjin pulls Seungmin on top of him, and wraps his arms around his waist. He then nuzzles his nose on Seungmin’s neck, eliciting a series of chuckles from the younger.

Seungmin tries to break away, but Hyunjin’s holding him tightly. “S-stop it, my prince. W-we need to take a shower, then eat breakfast-” He says in between his chuckles.

Hyunjin stops, and pouts. “But I still want to cuddle.” He says, and turns his head to the side.

“We can cuddle all we want later,” Seungmin shakes his head. Despite the fact that Hyunjin is already twenty-three, Seungmin still thinks that he’s _cute_ and _adorable_. Especially when he’s sulking, or more like _pretending_ to sulk. “Come on, let’s take a shower together.” Seungmin says, taking Hyunjin’s hands from his waist, as he sits up.

“No.” Hyunjin frowns, pulling his hands from Seungmin, and crossing his arms on his chest.

“Oh?” Seungmin raises an eyebrow in amusement. They’ve been in this situation several times before, and he knows exactly how to make his boyfriend listen to him. Straddling on the older boy’s lower half, Seungmin moves to sit down on his crotch, and leans down to whisper onto Hyunjin’s ear. “I knew you have a morning wood, my prince. Get up now so we can continue making out in the shower. Maybe I’ll give you a head too. How’s that?” Seungmin offers, trying to make his voice low and seductive. He lifts his head to look at the older boy as he waits for his response.

Hyunjin didn’t say anything. Instead, he just swallows on his spit and bites his lower lip before looking up at Seungmin, slowly nodding his head. Seungmin smiles in victory as he hops off the bed. His _offer_ works every time.

After they’re done taking a shower ~~and also having a quickie~~ , they both change to their casual clothes. They head to the dining room to eat the to-go food Seungmin ordered earlier this morning. The clock reads nine o'clock, and Seungmin’s now washing the dishes whilst Hyunjin’s sitting on the kitchen counter with his glasses on as he scrolls through his phone. He smiles when he reads the messages and greetings in his Messenger.

“ _Happy anniversary, Hyunjin and Seungmin!_ ” Hyunjin reads out loud. Seungmin turns to look at him, raising an eyebrow in question. “From Minho,” Hyunjin says, quickly taking a glance at his boyfriend before looking back to his phone.

“You still have contact to each other?” Seungmin asks, returning his attention to his work. “What do you guys talk about?”

“Yes, we still have contact to each other, and no, we don’t really talk.” Hyunjin sighs, and puts his phone down. “Minnie, we’re all friends with him now, aren’t we? What happened in the past, will remain in the past. You said it yourself. It’s been _years_.” He hops off the counter and walks towards Seungmin, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend’s slim waist, planting a kiss on his nape.

Seungmin smiles, but he knows Hyunjin can’t see it, so he keeps up his act of fake sulking just to annoy the older boy. “Are you two perhaps having a fling behind my back?”

With that, Hyunjin frowns and hits him lightly on his chest. “You’re an idiot.” He says before walking back to the kitchen counter. “He has a boyfriend, you know.”

Seungmin bursts out laughing at that. He dries his hands on the apron he’s wearing, before walking towards his boyfriend. “I just want to annoy you.” He chuckles, standing between Hyunjin's legs and wrapping his arms around the older boy’s waist. “Anyway, I still don’t completely trust him, and didn’t he and his boyfriend break up long ago?”

“I know. But you’re still an idiot.” Truth is, Hyunjin didn’t know about Minho and his boyfriend breaking up. Still, he chooses not to linger too much on that topic. Instead, Hyunjin smiles and wraps his arms around the younger boy as well, moving a hand up to play with his hair.

“You love me.” Seungmin says, leaning into the touch.

“Your idiocy wasn’t the thing that made me fall in love with you, but yeah sure.”

Seungmin rolls his eyes and glances over at the open dining room door. He quickly pecks Hyunjin’s lips before pulling away from him. “Wait here.” He says, but before Hyunjin could even say a word, he’s already running out of the room.

He returns five minutes later, with an envelope in his hand. Hyunjin takes a quick look at it before lifting an eyebrow at the younger. “Here...” Seungmin mumbles, flushing a bit as thrusts the envelope into Hyunjin’s hand. Hyunjin takes it, lifting his other eyebrow. “My gift. For you.” Seungmin lies. That isn’t exactly his gift, and he doesn’t want to disappoint Hyunjin, or get his hopes down either for giving him _that_ when the older boy probably will give him something that costs more than Seungmin’s monthly salary. He just wants to surprise Hyunjin later when he gives his _real_ gift is all.

“ _To Hwang Hyunjin_ ,” Hyunjin reads out loud before slitting the envelope open and pulling out the card. Those were the only words Seungmin has written on the envelope, so Hyunjin became curious on what _dramatic shit_ he’ll read on the card, or if the younger’s just playing a prank on him. He noticed some photos inside the envelope when he pulled the card out, but he decides he’ll look through them later after he’s finished reading Seungmin’s _probably_ sappy or dramatic anniversary love letter.

“ _Dear Jinnie,_ ” He reads on the card. Everything is handwritten, he notices when he makes a quick scan, and it’s obviously written by Seungmin himself. “ _When I found a nineteen year old brown-haired boy standing by the edge on the rooftop of the university’s tallest building, almost four years ago, I never thought that he’d become such a huge part in my life, and that we’d eventually fall in love with each other. But I just want you to know that on this very day, three years ago, was probably one of the happiest and most special day of my life. Sure, I may had been in a few relationships before you came, but every ex-lover I had in comparison to you would be a failure. I have never met someone as sweet, as caring, and as loving as you, and because of that, every moment we spent up to this day were all precious. I’m sorry if I’m stupid sometimes, though, and annoys you to the point that you’d get mad at me for real and won’t talk to me for days. You know that’s just one of the many ways of me showing my love to you, right? I love you so much, Hwang Hyunjin, a.k.a and the most beautiful boy I have ever seen. I love you to the moon, sun, stars, galaxy, universe, and back. Thank you for the best three years, my prince. Love, your cute little puppy Seungminnie._ ”

Hyunjin looks up at Seungmin after reading, blinking away the tears that are threatening to fall from his eyes. He smiles, but his lips are quivering. He moves a hand up to his chest as he feels his heart beating slightly faster than normal. “Minnie... thank you so much for this...” He really doesn’t know what else to say. Seungmin has given him cards before, but they were all just simply sappy and never like _this_.

“I meant every word I wrote... I hope you like it?” Seungmin smiles widely – all teeth, no eyes. It was that very smile that had Hyunjin’s heart suddenly skipping a beat years ago, and it was the start of him being unsure with his feelings towards the slightly younger boy. That very smile also made Hyunjin realize that he was, indeed, slowly falling in love with Seungmin.

“I love it.” Hyunjin says after a few moments of silence. He reaches out to secure Seungmin in a tight yet gentle hug, burying his face on his boyfriend’s soft hair. Seungmin does the same, wrapping his arms around the older boy’s waist once more, face buried to his chest. They stay like that for some time. Neither of them moves. Neither of them wants to move. They both just want to feel each other’s warmth.

It’s Hyunjin who breaks the comfortable silence a few minutes later. “Minnie?” He mumbles onto Seungmin’s hair, hand still stroking the soft strands. Seungmin just hums in response, letting Hyunjin know that he is listening. “I love you _so much_.”

Seungmin smiles onto Hyunjin’s chest when he hears it. The older boy doesn’t really speak those words that much. He prefers to say it through writing, or chat, or through his gifts, and mostly through his actions. But it’s always sweet and perfect to hear every time Hyunjin says it through his mouth, so Seungmin always revel in the blissful moments whenever the older boy tells him that. “I love you too, Jinnie.”

But that was two years ago.

 

 

 

 

 

_4th of April_

_2019_

When Seungmin wakes up being terribly sick, to the point the he couldn’t even get up, on a Thursday morning, he didn’t know what lies ahead on that day that will change his life to a complete one eighty. Seungmin hates himself. They were supposed to go on a vacation out of town this day until the weekend because that was what he has planned for their fifth anniversary, because that was his gift for Hyunjin; two vacation tickets for four days and three nights, as well as a promise to Hyunjin that he will try ice skating, this time, even though he's not really the sporty and adventurous type unlike his boyfriend. Hyunjin looked so happy last night, and seeing his smile made Seungmin's chest feel so warm.

He’d always felt bad whenever he declines Hyunjin’s invites to go ice skating these past years – the older boy would either go alone, or invite Jeongin, one of Seungmin’s workers in his shop and also a close friend to Hyunjin – so this time, he wanted to be with him. But the future will always be unpredictable, and here he is, sleeping on their shared bed under layers of blankets at ten in the morning, whilst Hyunjin is probably still driving alone on the way to their supposed-to-be vacation spot right now.

_“I’m so sorry, Hyunjin.”_ Seungmin had said with a sniff, grabbing the face towel beside him to sneeze on it. _“I... I really wanted to go...”_

_“Shh, it’s okay,”_ Hyunjin said softly as he handed Seungmin a glass of water and some medicine. _“Take a rest, baby. I can go alone. I’ll be back as soon as possible so I can take care of you.”_ He wanted to stay, to take care of his boyfriend. But he also really didn’t want to waste what Seungmin has given to him when the younger has probably thought about it for long.

_“Alone? What about Jeongin?”_ Seungmin asked, voice worried. He lied down on the bed, and Hyunjin pulled the blankets over him. _“You can give him the other ticket...”_ He coughed.

_“He said he’s busy. Don’t worry about me, you should rest.”_

Seungmin only nodded in response.

It was almost nine when Hyunjin left their apartment. He made sure to cook some food for Seungmin if ever he gets hungry, and left some medicine on the table with a note: _don’t forget to eat your food and drink your medicine, my cute little puppy._ _♡_

Hyunjin also gave Seungmin a goodbye kiss, saying, _“This can help cure your sickness, baby,”_ before he finally left the apartment.

Seungmin wakes up an hour more later, slowly walking towards the kitchen with one of the blankets still wrapped around him. He smiles when he reads the note Hyunjin has left earlier. He heats the food Hyunjin has cooked before eating them, then drinks all the bitter-tasting medicines after. His senses feel numb. He still hates himself for getting sick, so he wants nothing but to get better as soon as possible. Seungmin walks back towards their bedroom, noticing how quiet and empty the apartment feels like without his other half. Slipping back under the blankets on the bed, Seungmin stares at the blue ceiling of their room, counting the cracks until he eventually falls asleep once again.

The next time Seungmin wakes up, it’s to the sound of loud knocks on the door. He groans and scrunches his face before peeling his eyes open. He sits up slowly, and rests his back against the headboard of the bed. His headache is almost gone, but his body still feels hot and heavy. He grabs his phone from the table beside the bed to check the time. It’s five thirty in the afternoon according to the digital clock, but he fails to see the number missed calls on his phone.

It’s dark when he gets out of the room, and there are no signs of Hyunjin. _Maybe he’s still enjoying himself,_ he thinks as he walks towards the kitchen. But before he can even enter, the loud knocks resumed, and he almost forgot that those were the reasons why he woke up in the first place.

“Seungmin!” Someone hollers, making him jump on his spot as he walks towards the door. “Open the door!” It wasn’t Hyunjin, and they sound urgent.

When he finally opens the door, he was greeted by a sweaty and out of breath Jisung. “What takes you here?” Seungmin asks, lifting his eyebrows as he looks at the other.

Jisung waits for a few seconds to collect himself before finally answering. His expression turns gloomy when he looks at the slightly younger boy. “Seungmin. Hyunjin is... h-he’s in...” He stutters, voice faltering, unsure if he should say what he wanted to say.

A spark of worry sets fire into Seungmin’s mind when he looks at how Jisung’s expression changed, his heartbeat suddenly increases in speed. “W-what about him?” He slowly starts panicking internally, but he’s hoping, praying to the heavens above that he’s just being silly, and just thinking about the worst things unnecessarily. What could possibly happen to Hyunjin anyway? He thinks.

But his thoughts completely shatter, and his blood runs cold when Jisung finally speaks.

“Hyunjin got involved in a car accident. He’s in the emergency room of the hospital right now.”

Seungmin feels his world crumble to a million pieces.

 

 

•••••

 

 

The hospital room is cold, but the tears that are flowing down Seungmin’s cheeks are warm. The four walls surrounding them are white, similar to their shared bedroom in their apartment, but compared to the walls of their bedroom which are empty yet comfortable and calming, the walls here are empty and intimidating. Hyunjin lies down motionless on the bed. His pale skin almost blending to the white sheets and white walls of the room.

Nine forty-five pm, the clock reads. It’s been four hours since Seungmin arrived. Visiting hours will be over soon, but, through teary eyes, Seungmin had begged the nurses to let him stay for a little longer just a while ago. They didn’t let him at first, but Hyunjin’s doctor, who happens to be Jisung's father, has taken pity on him and gave him permission. Dr. Han then asked the nurses to go out and look for any extra blankets and pillows for Seungmin, since he’s staying for the night. Seungmin was more than grateful for that.

_“The witness said he made a U-turn, and unfortunately didn’t notice the truck on the other side. The impact on his head isn’t that severe, but we’ll still continue to monitor it.”_ The doctor, Jisung’s father, had said when Seungmin was calm enough to listen. _“He was practically bathing in blood when he arrived here, but don’t worry, blood loss is minimal as the witness who saw everything brought him here immediately.”_

There are bandages around Hyunjin’s head, and the doctor said that there are several stitches underneath. Seungmin can even see a slight red and orange staining Hyunjin’s brown locks, and he doesn’t want to think just how much blood could’ve caused that despite the doctor telling him that blood loss was minimal. Looking at Hyunjin shoots panic to every single nerve in Seungmin’s body. His eyes are red, nearly bloodshot from the hours he’d spent crying by his boyfriend’s side.

_I should’ve had let you stay, to take care of me..._ Seungmin hates himself even more. _No. I should’ve had taken care of myself more so I wouldn’t get sick. Heck, I should’ve gone with you even though I’m sick. You must’ve been so worried about me that you couldn’t concentrate on driving... I wish I can do something to make you wake up..._

Hyunjin’s hand is cold against his when Seungmin takes it, and he feels himself crying, again, for the nth time that night. “Hyunjin, my prince, I’m so sorry.” Seungmin sniffles, voice quivering. “Please, wake up. I love you. I love you _so much_. I’m so, so, sorry.” Closing his eyes, he gently moves the older boy’s hand up closer to his mouth and starts pressing a kiss on each tip of his fingers. When he opens his eyes, they immediately go to look at the heart monitor on the other side of the bed. Hyunjin’s heartbeat is stable, telling him that his other half is still alive, still fighting. It’s the only thing that makes Seungmin a bit calm, at least.

He already misses Hyunjin’s beautiful smile, and how his eyes shine brightly when he does – with his eye mole lifting up, and crinkles forming on either side. He misses Hyunjin’s high-pitched laugh, his hugs, his kisses. But most of all, he misses all of Hyunjin’s ways of saying ‘I love you’ to him. But here he is, lying motionless on the bed, and his chest barely even lifts when he breathes. Seungmin’s heart clenches. He’s _dying_ to see Hyunjin opening his eyes. He wants to see the older boy show more signs of life aside from just the constant beeping in the room because it slowly drives Seungmin insane.

By the time the clock strikes eleven thirty, Seungmin is sleeping, and has cried his eyes dry. The nurses emerge back into the room and wakes him up, telling him to stay outside while they do the necessary check-ups on Hyunjin. Seungmin doesn’t want to leave, but he knows he has to.

To his surprise, he found Jisung sleeping on the cold metallic bench when he steps outside the room. Seungmin wonders how a grown guy in his mid-twenties fit in there, but Jisung has always been _tiny_ , and the sight made him smile. Jisung has always been there to make him smile, even just for a bit, on his dark times. Seungmin’s more than grateful to have him as a best friend.

There’s still a little space just above the other boy’s head, so Seungmin walks towards there to take a seat. He then moves a hand down to stroke on Jisung’s soft locks as he leans his head against the wall behind.

Jisung wakes up a few minutes later, eyes widening when he sees Seungmin. He sits up almost immediately, and rubs the sleepiness from his eyes before stretching his arms. “Hey.” He says, followed by a yawn.

Seungmin chuckles. “Hi.”

“Had some sleep? Are you feeling better now?”

“Two hours, I think.” he replies. “And yes, I’m feeling better now... well, maybe.”

“Here,” Jisung thrusts some medicines to Seungmin’s hand. “My dad noticed that you’re sick so he asked me to give you these when you get out of the room. What happened, by the way?”

Seungmin looks at his hand, before looking back at Jisung. “Thank you, Jiji. Really, I’m so lucky to have you.” He says, smiling. “Well... it’d been hot yesterday, then suddenly rained at night. I got soaking wet on the way home.”

“Minmin, we’ve been best friends since we were practically in diapers. You’re stuck with me.” Jisung grins. Seungmin would roll his eyes and cover Jisung’s face with his hand to hide his shit-eating grin if this was any other time, but right now he couldn’t bring himself to do so. Instead, he just leans forward and rests his head on the other boy’s shoulder, smiling contentedly.

They stay like that for some time. It made Seungmin calm, and he’s really grateful to have a best friend like Jisung ~~even though he's annoying sometimes~~. The only thing that can make everything better, though, is Hyunjin waking up from his slumber.

But Hyunjin doesn’t wake up on that night.

Seungmin stays by his side until he falls asleep again, uncomfortably, next to him with their fingers intertwined. In his sleep, he prays for a miracle to happen, and he wishes for luck to be on his side once more.

 

 

 

 

 

_2013 - 2014_

To say that luck is always on Seungmin's side would be an understatement.

Graduating with highest honours in university, getting employed in one of the big companies in Seoul; Seungmin can say that he was born lucky. Not to mention, he’d also successfully opened and managed his own milk tea shop with the help of his friends, and of course, Hyunjin.

Meeting Hwang Hyunjin; it had been by pure serendipity – because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. But every time he looks back at it, he thinks that it might’ve been the right place at the right time, after all. Because he fell so deeply in love soon enough, and that was by complete chance, as well.

He can still recall every single detail of their encounter.

Seungmin was eighteen when he found a brown-haired boy standing by the edge on the rooftop of the university’s tallest building, which is the Nursing building. It was the last day of the second semester, which was also the last day of his second year in college, as well as the start of the semester break.

Jisung, who was also a second year that time, had told him during lunch time earlier that day to meet up at the rooftop, but Seungmin forgot which building was it, so he just assumed that it’s the Nursing building since Jisung was taking up a Nursing course. He’d later known that Jisung was actually talking about the Arts building.

It’s five-thirty in the afternoon when he arrived; thirty minutes earlier than their call time. It was surprisingly quiet, and when Seungmin finally stepped out of the door, none of his friends were there. Instead, there was a brown-haired boy, he assumed to be on his age, standing by the edge while looking up at the darkening sky.

He walked closer to the boy. Clearing his throat, he asked, “Excuse me? Has anyone else been here aside from you?”

Silence followed.

_Wow, nice talking. Are you perhaps deaf or mute?_ Seungmin frowned. “Well, if you’re not going to answer, then I’ll just-” he was cut off when he heard a sob. His eyes widened comically when the boy suddenly moved his foot forward, as if he was going to jump. Horror was Seungmin’s first reaction as panic shot the nerves in his body. He was just about to witness a brown-haired teenage boy commit suicide right in front of him, and he most likely did not want to see that ever in his life. So he did what was the first thing that came into his mind.

Without second thoughts, Seungmin practically sprinted towards the boy and pulled him back to safety. He had his eyes closed as he braced for impact when the both of them stumbled to the ground. His head hurt, as well as his back, and they might bruise the next day, he thought.

When Seungmin opened his eyes and sat up, the boy was already staring at him with wide eyes and tear-stained cheeks. Now that he’d seen the boy’s face, Seungmin thought that he was kind of _cute_ , despite the cuts and bruises visible on his face. But Seungmin’s initial reactions were slight anger, and sympathy. He wanted to get mad at the boy, and tell him that _that_ wasn’t the only way if he had problems in life; that everything will get better soon. Still, he also understood that some people feel so hopeless, useless, unneeded, and the likes, and that sometimes they wanted to just disappear from this cruel world.

Seungmin took a breath, long and deep. “Are you okay...?” He wasn’t sure if he asked the right question. But the boy’s expression seemed calmer when he looked – but more like _stared_ – at Seungmin.

The boy was still wearing his uniform. From where Seungmin was seated, he could see the name plate attached to the uniform, glinting slightly under the minimal light. _Hwang Hyunjin_ , Seungmin read, but he decided to not refer to him by his name until they’ve properly introduced themselves to one another.

“Are you going to scold me?” The boy, Hwang Hyunjin, finally spoke, but he didn’t answer Seungmin’s question. He had his arms crossed in front his chest as he looked to the ground. His voice was raspy, and it sent a wave of shivers down Seungmin’s spine.

“Am I allowed to do that?” Seungmin asked, lifting an eyebrow. “You have your own reasons. But I obviously did _not_ want to witness someone jump off a ten-story building and see their brain explode out of their head.” He scrunched his face in disgust at the thought. “Jesus, I’d be scarred for life.”

That elicited a soft chuckle from Hyunjin. It made Seungmin smile, and his chest suddenly felt warm. Hyunjin looked a lot cuter now that he was smiling, Seungmin thought.

“Does that... really happen?” Hyunjin’s voice came again, and Seungmin lifted an eyebrow in question.

“What? Someone’s brain exploding when they jump off a tall building?” He asked. Hyunjin nodded. “Well... yeah, I guess? At least that’s what I’ve heard from others...” Seungmin’s voice trailed off, and Hyunjin chuckled again.

He already liked the sound of it – he thought it was kind of addicting – and a smile made its way through Seungmin's face again.

Silence followed, as the two of them emerged themselves in watching the sunset. But it wasn’t the awkward nor boring kind of silence. It was oddly comforting, Seungmin thought.

It was Hyunjin who broke the silence eventually. “It’s about my boyfriend- well, _ex-boyfriend_.” He said, resting his chin on his knees as he wrapped his arms around his legs. Seungmin only hummed in response, letting the other know that he was listening. “You’re not going to judge me or run away?” Hyunjin bit his lower lip, looking hesitant.

“Judge you? Run away?” Seungmin snorted. “I’m bisexual and had some boyfriends before.” He then looked back at the brown-haired boy and smiled reassuringly.

Hyunjin smiled as well and continued talking. “Well... we’ve been dating for seven months, until...” His voice trailed off. Seungmin looked at him with worry when he noticed the tears that were threatening to fall down from the other's eyes. “...he broke up with me today. Then his _new_ boyfriend, whom, apparently, he’s been dating for _two fucking months_ now beat me up when I _begged_ for him to stay. I just knew about that earlier this day when I saw them making out. I’ve never felt so stupid, betrayed, and broken like this before... He’s been cheating on me for two months, and I didn’t even notice. It hurts, you know? It hurts _so fucking much_.”

Seungmin didn’t know what to say, so instead, he only reached out a hand to rub soothing circles on the other’s back, hoping it could somehow help comfort him. “Do you love him that much that you’d jump off a building because he cheated on you then broke up with you?” He asked eventually, but immediately regretted saying it. His eyes widened when he thought that it sounded rude and offensive. Hyunjin himself looked taken aback by the question, and Seungmin started to panic once again. “I... I’m- I didn’t mean to-” He paused and swallowed on nothing. “I’m so sorry...”

But instead of being offended and pushing Seungmin away, Hyunjin only smiled and shook his head. “Yeah, stupid isn’t it? I begged for someone who doesn’t even love me to stay, then attempted to just end everything after that.”

Seungmin released the breath he didn’t know he was holding, feeling relieved that he didn’t make things worse. “N-no... I didn't mean to say it, and I couldn’t really judge either, since you have your own reasons like I said earlier. It’s just that... you’re still young, and you could move on sooner or later, then find the right one for you. Just- just live. Live for those people who care for you. You still have your friends, and your family.”

Hyunjin sighed then nodded. “Yeah, you’re right... I realized that, too.” He said, turning his head to look at Seungmin. “Thank you... for saving me.”

Seungmin smiled, and he was just about to say something when his phone rang. It was Jisung. The clock reads six fifteen when he looked at his phone. _Shit_ , he muttered under his breath. He’d completely forgotten about Jisung’s plan until the other called.

“Kim Seungmin! Where the fuck are you?” Jisung yelled from the other line as soon as he answered the call. Seungmin winced and pulled his phone away from his ear. Hyunjin just looked at him in amusement.

“Jiji! Hi... I- I’m on my way now!” He lied, biting his lower lip.

“ _I’m on my way now_ my ass!” Jisung’s voice sounded again, mocking Seungmin’s reply just a while ago. He can almost see Jisung making a face from the other line just based on his tone.

“Oh, shut up. I’m really on my way now.” Seungmin sighed and rolled his eyes as he stood up from where he was seated. He ended the call before Jisung could even say a thing, then returned his phone back to his pocket.

Hyunjin looked up at him. “Jiji? Han Jisung?” He asked, eyebrows raised.

“...Yeah?” Seungmin nodded, lifting an eyebrow as he looked down at the other. “You know him?”

“Um, well... kind of.” Hyunjin stood up, and patted his pants. “We’re classmates in Calculus this semester, but we’ve never really talked since there are like eighty of us in the lecture hall.”

“I see,” Seungmin checked his wrist watch. It’s now six-thirty, and he probably had to go. “Well, goodbye then...” The thought of leaving Hyunjin, and maybe not seeing him again, made Seungmin feel a bit sad. He wished they could talk more that night, but he knew he couldn’t since he’d already made plans with his friends. Hyunjin didn’t say anything, so Seungmin took that as a cue that he can leave.

Turning away, Seungmin made his way back towards the door with heavy footsteps. He moved a hand to open the door, but before he can even reach the knob, he felt a hand on his wrist, and the next thing he knew he was being turned to the opposite direction.

“W-wait...” Hyunjin stuttered, a look of hesitation visible on his face.

Seungmin lifted an eyebrow in both surprise and question. “You need something...?”

“You didn’t tell me your name.” Hyunjin said, and cleared his throat. Seungmin wasn’t sure if he was flushing, or it was just the cold air that made his cheeks look pink.

_Ah, right._ Seungmin thought. _We’ve talked for almost an hour yet we forgot to introduce ourselves. Or more like I forgot to introduce myself – well, formally, since I wasn’t wearing my name plate. Isn’t it just great?_ He bit his lips to stifle a laugh at the situation.

“It’s Seungmin,” He said. “Kim Seungmin.”

“Seungmin...” Hyunjin repeated, as if he was testing the name on his mouth. “Kim Seungmin...”

If Seungmin already liked the sound of the brown-haired boy’s laugh, then he liked the sound of his name coming out from Hyunjin’s mouth even more. It sounded different, with a little hint of lisp, but Seungmin thought maybe it was just because of his raspy voice.

“I’m Hyunjin,” The brown-haired boy said, pulling Seungmin off from his thoughts. “Hwang Hyunjin.” He finished, thrusting an arm forward as if he was asking for a handshake. His hand was warm when Seungmin took it.

When Seungmin waved his hand and said his last goodbye to Hyunjin that night, he didn’t know that it would be the last time he’d see the other boy.

But since luck was always on Seungmin’s side, he met Hyunjin again three days later – and it was by pure serendipity as well.

Seungmin was on the bus terminal, and he happened to have entered the wrong bus. He bumped into someone the moment he stepped out of the vehicle, and dropped his things. He called out a quick apology, and was about to bend down to pick up his own things when he saw a familiar shade of brown as the boy in front of him picked up his things for him.

“Hyunjin?” He wasn’t sure if it was Hyunjin, considering a lot of people seemed to have the same hair colours. But he still wanted to know if it was really him.

Well, it was Hyunjin indeed. “Seungmin! Hi.” He said with a smile, raspy voice sending a familiar wave of shivers down Seungmin’s spine, as he handed Seungmin’s things back to him.

“W-why are you here?” He asked with wide eyes. The other boy’s cuts and bruises on his face are slowly healing and fading, he noticed.

“Visiting my parents? I’m going to spend my break there.” He answered, grabbing Seungmin’s wrist as he walked back to the terminal so they can sit on a bench. “How about you?”

“V-visiting my parents too. I’m going to spend my summer there, as well...” Seungmin’s voice trailed off. Are they perhaps going to the same destination? He wanted to know, so he asked the other boy. “Hyunjin? Where do your parents live?”

“Busan.”

Seungmin suddenly felt his heart rate pick up at that.

Later on that day, Seungmin fell asleep on Hyunjin’s shoulder until they arrived to their destination. He introduced Hyunjin to his parents that night when he’d invited the other boy for dinner, while Hyunjin introduced Seungmin to his parents on the next day.

They’re only a few blocks away, so they hung out almost everyday in the entire break. Hyunjin started to grow a liking to him as they became closer. Seungmin also didn’t mind if Hyunjin didn’t speak a lot, because just being by his side was already enough, because Seungmin simply liked him.

They’d both learned about each other soon enough. Hyunjin told Seungmin everything about his past on dark nights when the two of them are lying down on the rooftop of Hyunjin's parents’ house, looking at the star-littered sky. He told Seungmin about him arriving in Seoul when he was fourteen, with only a few knowledge of the place, and without knowing anyone there. He told him about entering the university, and wanting to drop out or transfer because he didn’t have any friend. About meeting his boyfriend – _ex-boyfriend_ – and thinking that it was love that will last forever. The hardships of their relationship, as well as the ups and downs of dating a boy named Lee Minho. Seungmin knew who Lee Minho was, or had seen his face at least once – and the name was too familiar to him. He soon learned that Lee Minho was a third year taking the same course as him, but had transferred to a different school for a reason nobody, not even his friends, know. Seungmin had an idea about why he transferred, but he just didn’t say it out loud.

When the next semester began, Seungmin was on his third year, and Hyunjin as well. They’d agreed to dorm together since they didn’t really have roommates in the past semesters. Seungmin worked on helping Hyunjin get used to Seoul during their free times, as well as helping him learn English – and as a side project, he worked on making the older boy fall in love with him.

It wasn’t until their graduation, the next year, that he’d finally met Lee Minho.

Seungmin was nineteen, and Hyunjin was turning twenty. Hyunjin graduated with honours, and after the ceremony, Seungmin ran towards him and gave him a warm and tight hug. It seemed like Hyunjin didn’t notice Minho’s presence in the venue at that time, and Seungmin didn’t tell him either. It was just an evanescent memory, though, and the last thing Seungmin could remember was a boy gazing at their direction, wearing a look of bitterness and jealousy on his face.

About seven weeks later, Hyunjin brought Seungmin to the place where they first met. He poured his heart out to the younger before gently pushing him down the cold concrete floor. He sealed Seungmin’s lips with a kiss – it was gentle and sweet and full of emotions. Both of them cried tears of joy, and that was the beginning of _them_.

People say that life is a mystery; you can meet someone in a way you’ve never imagined, and they might end up changing your life forever.

Seungmin thought he proved that it’s true.

 

 

 

 

 

_April_

_2019_

Five days have passed, but Hyunjin's still lying motionless on the hospital bed. He gets paler, and skinnier with each passing day, and to say that Seungmin is worried is an understatement.

He stayed beside Hyunjin for the majority of those days. But there were times when he’d lean down to whisper to his boyfriend’s ear and excuse himself to leave for work, and he also has a milk tea shop to look after. Then he’d return to the hospital hours later and go back to his position beside the older boy.

Hyunjin’s first sign of life is a twitch of his eyes, then followed by his fingers. Seungmin’s heart rate picks up, and before he can think of anything, he rises up from his seat and begins running down the hallways towards the doctors office.

“Dr. Han! Hyunjin’s waking up!” Seungmin informs him, out of breath from all the running.

They both return to the room immediately, watching as Seungmin’s other half slowly awakens from his deep slumber. Relief floods throughout Seungmin’s body, and tears begin to form in his eyes, threatening to fall, but not yet falling.

Dr. Han walks to Hyunjin first, quickly conducting necessary physical check-ups on the newly awakened boy. Seungmin obligingly stands on the side as what the doctor told him.

“Everything seems fine to me. His vitals are stable, but the wounds on his head might take some more time to heal, so he may have to say here for at least a week more before he can finally be discharged.” Dr. Han says, looking at Hyunjin, then at Seungmin, before nodding and walking out of the room.

It’s only when the doctor is gone, and he’s seated next to Hyunjin, that Seungmin lets the tears fall from his eyes. Every drop burns the tracks of his tears down his cheeks as he takes Hyunjin’s hand and opens his mouth to speak. His words come out incoherently as he lets them out through quivering lips, and in between sobs and sniffles. “Hyunjin... t-thank god you’re finally awake. Y-you scared me, you idiot. I- I thought I was going to lose you, a-and I don’t know what will I do if that happens...” He pauses, taking in a deep breath. “I’m so sorry, my prince. I never should’ve let you go alone on that day... _god_ , I was so scared. But I’m so glad that y-you’re finally awake now...”

Hyunjin looks at him then blinks slowly. There’s a glint of confusion in his eyes, and he slightly tilts his head to the side as he takes in the sight of Seungmin crying beside him whilst holding his hand. Seungmin assumes that the older boy just doesn’t remember his accident, and doesn’t know why he is in a hospital room.

But if Seungmin’s world is as fragile as a clear glass bead, then everything crumbles down into a million tiny shards to his feet the moment Hyunjin opens his mouth to speak.

“Who are you?”

Seungmin couldn’t think of a time he’d been hurt like this in his entire life.

 

 

•••••

 

 

“Why?” Seungmin asks the doctor with desperate, bloodshot eyes. He wanted to cry more, but he’s already cried himself dry for three hours straight before finally going out of Hyunjin’s room and walking towards the doctor’s office.

The doctor across the table stands up and sighs. He then walks towards Seungmin, and places a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him. But it doesn’t.

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Kim. But during diagnosis, we may have missed reviewing some details, and the chances of Mr. Hwang to experience amnesia.” Dr. Han tells him. Seungmin shakes his head in disbelief, but he’s listening. He’s also praying, and trying to convince himself, that all of this was fake – or a dream, and then later on he will wake up and everything will be fine. _This can’t be real_ , he tells himself. _Everything was so perfect..._

“The assessment shows that there’s only a ten percent chance that such impact would cause post-traumatic amnesia to the patient,” Dr. Han’s voice sounds again, pulling Seungmin off of his thoughts. _Ten percent_ , Seungmin wants to laugh. _This must’ve been a kind of a sick joke._ “It seems like the worst-case scenario has came true, that’s why Mr. Hwang doesn’t remember you, Mr. Kim. I’m really sorry.”

Just as when Seungmin thought he couldn’t cry anymore, fresh tears started falling down his cheeks again. He wipes them with the back of his hands, but they still keep on falling. Dr. Han is in the middle of explaining something, but Seungmin isn’t really listening anymore. His mind is occupied with a million thoughts – most of them are _what if’s_ , and the fear of losing Hyunjin completely – to pay attention.

“Will he still remember?” He manages to ask, his heart aching for himself at how desperate, weak, broken, and pitiful he sounds.

Seungmin initially assumed that Hyunjin was only playing a cruel prank on him, and even up to now, he still wants to believe that his assumption was true – that all of this was just a sick prank, and that Hyunjin will apologize to him for playing it when he comes back to the room. But the genuine confusion on the older boy’s face a few hours ago when Seungmin cried beside him, and how he withdrew his hand away from the younger, tells him otherwise. Seungmin can practically hear his heart breaking into a million pieces.

“It will probably take some time to cure post-traumatic amnesia, since it’s the mind that’s pushing away the traumatic memories and other associations.” Dr. Han tells him. Then he goes to explain why Hyunjin seemed to forget anything, and everything that may have been considered as _bad memories_. He also goes to explain the possibilities of why Hyunjin fails in recognizing important people in his life. Seungmin listens to him, this time. “Remember, you just have to trigger those memories _slowly_. Pushing too much might stress his brain out, and he could lose those memories forever. You don’t want that to happen, do you, Mr. Kim?”

Seungmin nods. He couldn’t help but think about the words _traumatic memories_. All Seungmin knew was Hyunjin’s accident happened when he did a U-turn when he was supposed to go straight to the vacation spot, probably to go back home. He also assumed that the older boy must’ve been worried about him that he’d lost focus on the road, and failed to see the truck. But still, he didn’t understand a few things; _Aside from the accident, what other memories are considered 'traumatic' for Hyunjin?_ _What have I done wrong? Why was I forgotten? Just- why...?_

_“It will probably take some time to cure post-traumatic amnesia,”_ the doctor’s words from earlier echoes in his mind. _Time_ , he says in his mind. _How long will I have to wait?_

 

 

_•••••_

 

 

Seungmin finds himself sitting on his position beside Hyunjin’s bed once more that night. The clock reads nine o’clock, and he’s feeding the older boy cereal because that’s the only thing the hospital can offer at that time.

“Who did you say you were, again?” Hyunjin asks when he’s done eating.

_Your boyfriend, your other half._ Seungmin wants to say, but his more rational self reminds him of Dr. Han’s words from hours ago about trying too hard to trigger the memories might cause Hyunjin to forget them forever. With a heavy heart and a weak smile, Seungmin says, “Someone who’s in love with you...” in the most quiet voice he could muster. The elder looks at him in surprise, and he tilts his head slightly. Curiosity must’ve been killing him at that time, Seungmin thought. Hyunjin goes to open his mouth, but Seungmin stops him. “Don’t you remember anything at all...?”

Hyunjin shrugs, and frowns. “Err, am I forgetting something, though?” Every word Hyunjin says that hurts feels like a stab to Seungmin’s heart. “Well, except from... you... I don’t remember anything about you, and you seem to be really upset about that... I’m sorry...?”

“...It’s okay...” Seungmin's voice trails off. _The correct term is ‘heartbroken’_ , he thinks as he swallows the lump in his throat, but Hyunjin didn’t have to know that. He can’t believe that he has to pretend that the past five years did not happen until the older boy gets his memories back. “We live together...” Seungmin manages to say.

“We do?”

Another stab to his heart, but Seungmin remains strong. “Yes. Your parents bought an apartment for you as a graduation gift. I moved there after we...” _became boyfriends_ , he wants to say, but he just lets his sentence end like that.

“But... I don’t even know you, though? How am I supposed to believe you?” Hyunjin says, lifting his eyebrows in suspicion.

That’s another stab to Seungmin’s heart.

He hands Hyunjin his wallet and other things that the nurses gave to him. “F-find your ID card.” He stutters as he grabs his own wallet and pulls out his own card.

“Did you just look through _my_ things?”

Another stab, and it’s slowly driving Seungmin insane. “We’ve been living together for _five years_ , Hyunjin. We literally share _everything_!” He blurts out, but immediately regrets it when he sees how Hyunjin’s orbs darken a little. _No... shit..._

“Been together....? Share everything...?” Hyunjin murmurs with furrowed brows, but he still pulls out his ID card and hands it to Seungmin.

The younger holds their cards together and shows them to Hyunjin, completely ignoring his inquiries since it will clearly just trigger more confusion instead of memories. “Look, we have the same address,” Seungmin informs him. He still can’t believe that there comes a day when Hyunjin doesn’t know him, and doesn’t believe in him when he’s saying literally just the basic information about _them_. “Hwang Hyunjin and Kim Seungmin.”

Hyunjin blinks at him slowly then nods. “So I really do live with you...?” he asks one last time. Seungmin only manages a nod. “Err, well... you’re attractive, I must say, and cute, and... kind of my type. But I already have a boyfriend.” The older boy says.

Seungmin freezes on his spot as a he feels a stab in his heart once more – and if there’s still something that is left in his fragile heart, then it shatters itself into dust when Hyunjin opens his mouth to speak again.

“Do you perhaps know where Minho is?”

 

 

•••••

 

 

Seungmin hates himself more and more as he thinks, and he blames himself for what happened to Hyunjin.

He blames himself for getting sick on that day; blames himself for not letting Hyunjin stay; blames himself for not coming with Hyunjin, that the older boy had to drive alone; blames himself for making him worry too much that he’d lost focus on the road. But most of all, he blames himself that those were the reasons why Hyunjin, after everything, doesn’t remember who he was.

Hyunjin had looked at him with blank eyes, and Seungmin felt like he was reintroducing himself to another guy. Even when Seungmin was just talking about the basic things about _them_ had Hyunjin raising his eyebrows in suspicion, and it never failed to wipe away the hopeful smile Seungmin had on his face.

Seungmin feels broken, alone, _devastated_. He couldn’t stand how Hyunjin kept on talking about Lee Minho, and how he kept asking about the other boy’s whereabouts. So, Seungmin runs away from the room, away from the hospital.

Away from Hyunjin.

He needed to at least _breathe_ , so to the bar is where he goes.

 

 

•••••

 

 

It’s now four in the morning; about five hours since he arrived. The air is chilly, and there are less people in the place. Seungmin managed to drink three-fourths of the bottle of tequila he’d bought only for himself, and he’d found himself crying every few minutes during those hours. Seungmin’s mind didn’t wander away from Hyunjin, and how everything about _them_ changed overnight, as he drank.

He’s now just staring blankly at the window, looking out at the empty streets with his back leaned against the wall, an empty shot glass in his hand – the almost-empty bottle of tequila completely neglected on the table. His eyes are puffy and red, and his cheeks are stained with tear tracks from all the crying that he did. His head hurts, and so does his heart, but he also feels numb.

One of the bartenders approaches him. It’s Woojin, one of his and Jisung’s friends. He goes to sit on the chair across Seungmin.

“Hey,” Woojin says, voice gentle. Seungmin didn’t say anything. “I’ve heard about what happened to Hyunjin, and I’m sorry. But it’s all going to get better soon.” He assures with a genuine look of worry and concern on his face. Seungmin only gives him a small, weak smile when he looks at him. There’s a few minutes of silence, then Woojin speaks again. “Can you get home on your own? If not, then I’ll call Jisung.” He says, but he didn’t really wait for Seungmin to respond as he immediately grabs his phone from his pocket then dialled Jisung’s number.

Jisung arrives minutes later. He thanks Woojin one last time before he goes out of the bar, carrying a sleeping, drunk Kim Seungmin on his back. Jisung gently places him on the backseat, secures him in the seatbelt, and adjusts his head to a more comfortable position. He drives towards Hyunjin and Seungmin’s apartment slowly, glancing at his best friend through the rear-view mirror every now and then with worry and concern etched on his face. “Everything will soon go back to the way it was before, Minmin. I know you’re strong. I know you never give up easily, and you can endure all of this. I’ll always be here when you need me.”

 

 

•••••

 

 

Six days.

It’s been six days since Seungmin had last gone to the hospital – six days since he’d last seen Hyunjin. Seungmin busied himself with his work during those days in an attempt to stop himself from thinking too much about Hyunjin and everything that happened.

Still, there are moments when Seungmin just disappears from his table in the office, and then return minutes later with obvious puffy and red eyes even though he has his head looking down. All of his co-workers in the company’s office have noticed, but Seo Changbin, Jisung’s fiancé, was the first one to talk to him about it.

He pulled Seungmin back to the office when all of their co-workers have left, and asked him about it with eyes full of concern. It seems like Jisung hasn’t told him about what happened to Hyunjin yet. Seungmin initially wanted to tell him that everything’s fine then run away, but the genuine concern glinting in Changbin’s eyes couldn’t help but make him feel worse – because he was letting his situation affect his work and his co-workers.

When Seungmin finally found the courage to spill out the whole story, Changbin, with tears glossing in his eyes, reaches out to pull him to a comforting hug. “I’m so sorry for what happened, Seungmin. Everything will get better soon.” He assures, rubbing circles on Seungmin’s back.

Seungmin hopes it will, but he’s also not sure when, and how long will he need to wait. He bursts into tears once more, holding onto the older boy tightly and desperately believing in his words – because he has nothing left to believe in but for things to get better soon.

That night, when Seungmin arrives home, he goes to open the fridge then drinks all the cans of beer they had left. The hospital then notifies him that Hyunjin can be discharged tomorrow. Seungmin cries himself to sleep once more, unsure if he will be able to see Hyunjin’s face tomorrow without breaking down in front of him.

 

 

•••••

 

 

“Seungmin, wake up,” Jisung says, shaking the younger boy’s body gently. It’s almost ten in the morning. He sighs, then stands up to pull open the curtains, letting the sunlight infiltrate the windows and enter the room. When he returns to his position on the bed, Seungmin’s scrunching his face and covering his eyes with his hand. “Hey, get up. The sun is out.”

“And what am I supposed to do? Photosynthesis?” Seungmin sarcastically says, voice hoarse. But he does what Jisung told him.

Jisung rolls his eyes then hits his best friend on the head. “Dumbass, we’re going to the hospital. Your _other half_ will be discharged today. Have you forgotten?” He says, hopping off the bed.

“No, I haven’t.” Seungmin blankly replies. _I was the one who was forgotten though_ , he says in his mind. Shaking his head, he gets off the bed, grabs his towel, then goes to the bathroom to take a shower. He looks at himself in the mirror after he’s dressed in a new set of clothes, noticing how visible his eye bags and dark circles have become – so he wears his round glasses.

When he gets out of the room, Jisung’s sitting on the couch, scrolling through his phone. He looks up upon noticing his best friend’s presence. “Oh, wow, you actually look like a _decent_ human being today.” He remarks sarcastically, and it’s Seungmin’s turn to roll his eyes this time.

“Thanks. Now let’s just go.”

Jisung laughs, getting off the couch to walk towards his best friend. He has an arm wrapped around Seungmin’s shoulder as they walk out of the apartment, towards the parking lot.

 

 

•••••

 

 

Dr. Han looked at him with sympathy etched on his face, the moment he entered his office later that morning. Seungmin signed a few papers, before getting out of the office.

With heavy footsteps, Seungmin walks down the hallways of the hospital towards where Hyunjin is. He isn’t sure what to say, or what to do, as he stands in front of the door outside his boyfriend’s room. But this is _still_ his other half that’s behind the door – despite the fact that he doesn’t remember who Seungmin was, anymore – so he still takes the risk.

He knocks on the door before entering the room. Hyunjin is sitting on the bed, still dressed in hospital clothing, fidgeting his fingers. He looks up upon noticing his presence, and Seungmin offers him a small smile.

“You’re getting discharged today,” Seungmin says softly, placing the set of clothes he has brought for the older boy on the bed.

Hyunjin grins at that, glancing at the clothes. “These are mine?”

_Ours_ , he says in his mind. He nods to the older boy in response, and says, “They are. We’ll head home after you’re done changing.”

Hyunjin looks at him for a moment, blinking. Seungmin lifts his eyebrows in question, before realizing why the older boy was looking at him like that. _Oh... right..._

He bites his lower lip as he turns around. It’s as if Seungmin hasn’t seen _everything_ Hyunjin has to offer. He can still recall the first time he’d seen Hyunjin completely naked. They’d been dating for three months at that time. Hyunjin was taking a shower when he suddenly emerged from the bathroom to ask Seungmin where his conditioner was. The look of shock in Hyunjin’s face when he covered his... _thing_ never failed to make Seungmin laugh whenever he’d thought of it. He’d also made fun and laughed at Hyunjin’s size after that _incident_ , and the older boy hadn’t talked to him for two days because of that.

_Was that perhaps considered as ‘traumatic’ to Hyunjin?_ Seungmin bites his lips to stifle a laugh at the thought. But his bliss didn’t last that long when he thinks about the possibility of Hyunjin completely forgetting about their memories together, about _them_. It’s as if he’s reintroducing himself to Hyunjin, but then again, that’s what exactly is happening now. Hyunjin doesn’t even remember meeting him, so there’s no way he could remember even the little facts about them.

In just a week, five years suddenly meant nothing to one-half of them. Seungmin feels a stab to his heart again, but it didn’t break his mental plan of ‘Making Hwang Hyunjin fall in love with me: If I made him fall for me once, then I can do it again’. It’s like back in their university days, but this time Seungmin is more determined than ever.

The rustling of clothes comes to a halt, and Hyunjin’s voice sounds again. “Hey, Seungmin? You said that I should tell you if I ever remember something new, right?” He asks. Seungmin turns around to face him, and only nods in response. “Well, I remembered something... I think?”

Seungmin was a little bit taken aback by that, and he looks at his boyfriend with hopeful eyes. “What is it?” He asks, trying his best not to sound desperate.

“Um, well, there’s this... song... that I kept on humming the past days. I don’t know why though, and it kind of makes me want to look for something... but I don’t know what it is?”

_Oh..._ Seungmin stifles a smile. He knows exactly what that _song_ Hyunjin is talking about. It was the song that immediately came out in Seungmin’s mind, five years ago, when he received a notice that he’ll sing on their graduation ceremony. It was the song that Seungmin sang in front of everyone, yet he was only looking at one person.

He realized it’d been years since he’d actually last sung that song, and he silently wonders if he could still remember the lyrics. But the thoughts hurt more than they heal. Seungmin might be able to remember the lyrics to that song, but Hyunjin probably still won’t be able remember him even if he sings it again.

 

 

•••••

 

 

When they arrive in their apartment, the first thing that Hyunjin does is to sit down on the couch and look through his things that are still in a plastic bag. Seungmin sits beside him, at a good distance – and this hurts as well because Hyunjin usually makes Seungmin sit on his lap whenever they’re in the living room.

“Is this my phone?” Hyunjin asks, pulling the device out. The glass screen has cracks, and the case has several scratches, but it still turns on when Hyunjin presses the power button. He then turns the phone in all directions to inspect it. “This is cute.” He remarks as he looks at the phone case – light pink in colour with _emojis_ of a puppy and a cat at the centre.

_You were the one who customized our phone cases, of course you’d think it’s cute._ A smile makes its way through Seungmin’s face as he looks at his boyfriend. “I have the same one,” Seungmin says, pulling out his own phone from his pocket, and showing it to Hyunjin. “But mine is light blue.”

Hyunjin looks at it in awe, before looking back at his own phone. “We have matching phone cases!” he chirps. “I think it’s kind of cute, but yours still looks fine while mine looks awful...” His voice trails off, and he pouts his lips. Seungmin suddenly has the urge to lean forward and kiss him – but his more rational self opts him not to.

He sighs, then gives the older boy a small smile before saying, “I can buy you a new one, if you want? Let’s have your phone’s screen repaired as well.”

Hyunjin’s face brightens at that. He then moves closer to throw an arm around Seungmin’s shoulder, and grins. “Really?” He says. Seungmin bites back a smile, and he feels himself flushing. He only manages a nod as a reply.

It almost feels like nothing changed, but everything did.

 

 

•••••

 

 

“Seungmin?”

“Hmm?”

“What’s my security pin?” Hyunjin asks, extending his arm across the table to hand his phone to Seungmin.

It’s a Saturday afternoon, and they're currently inside a fast-food chain in the mall. They initially went to the phone accessory shop the moment they stepped in the mall – it’s the same shop where they’d bought their customized phone cases last year ~~when Hyunjin can still remember who he was~~. The shop owner had told them to wait for at least three hours before they can get the phone case, so they went to a cell phone repair shop next to get Hyunjin’s phone’s screen fixed.

Seungmin didn’t answer Hyunjin’s inquiry and just blinks at the older boy instead.

“What? You seem to know a lot about me. My first guess didn’t work.” He says with a slight pout on his face. Seungmin, again, has the urge to lean forward and kiss that pout away.

“What did you try, though?”

“Um, 092200...? I don’t know why, but... it kind of just... popped out in my head.”

“It’s 000922.” Seungmin answers with a sigh then rolls his eyes. _It’s my birthday, idiot..._

Obligingly, Hyunjin types in the digits, and when his phone unlocks, he looks up to look at Seungmin in amazement. He then locks his device again, and puts it down on the table before he continues eating. Seungmin shakes his head at the sight, but he couldn’t help it but smile as his heart suddenly feels warm.

But then again, Seungmin’s bliss doesn’t seem to last long these days.

He’d excused himself to go to the comfort room, but when he returns to their table a few minutes later, his heart aches when he sees Hyunjin scrolling through his contact list with furrowed brows, probably confused at the names. Hyunjin pauses for a long time as he stares at the contact named ‘My love, Puppy Minnie’ – it’s Seungmin’s entry. From where Seungmin is currently standing, just a few feet away, from behind Hyunjin, he can see the older boy press the edit button, maybe intending to change the contact name.

That’s another stab to Seungmin’s heart. He doesn’t know if he’ll be able to bear seeing Hyunjin actually changing his contact name, so, turning on his heels, he heads back towards the comfort room. He locks himself inside a cubicle, and bites the urge to cry _again_.

Seungmin really didn’t want to cry – well, at least until he’s out of Hyunjin’s line of sight.

He returns minutes later, sitting back to his chair without saying a word. His eyes are probably slightly red, he thinks, as Hyunjin looks at him with concern on his face. The older boy goes to open his mouth, but Seungmin speaks first.

“Hyunjin.” He says, a bit proud of himself for not sounding weak or broken after crying.

The older boy looks at him with an unsure smile. “Yes...?”

“Do you still remember what I told you? That whenever you remember something new, you’d have to tell it to me immediately?”

“Sure. Why not?” Hyunjin grins. “Who else should I tell them to though aside from the guy that I’ll be going to see everyday?”

Relief floods in Seungmin’s entire body, but everything still hurts the same. _So far so good, I guess...?_ He thinks. _First, Hyunjin remembers that song, though he doesn’t know for what reason and what’s the title, and what he’d said he was looking for, but it’s okay. Then now, he trusts me..._

He offers the fakest smile he’s ever managed in front of his other half before he rises up from his seat, and walks towards the exit. But _this_ Hyunjin doesn’t know the difference between his smiles, and probably couldn’t tell which one is real, and which one is forced.

After paying for the phone case, Hyunjin immediately puts it on his phone, and smiles at the sight. Seungmin assumes that the older boy’s only smiling because he thinks it looks cute, and not because he and Seungmin have matching designs.

They’re now walking towards the exit of the mall, and are just about to pass through the electronic sliding doors when they hear someone calling their names.

“Seungmin! Hyunjin!”

The familiarity of the voice sends shivers down Seungmin’s spine, and he suddenly feels his heart practically skip a beat.

It was Minho.

His eyes lock with Minho’s for a few seconds, before the other boy turns his head to look at Hyunjin. When Hyunjin is looking at Minho with a smile so bright, Seungmin thinks that all those stabs to his heart in the past few days combined were nothing compared to the pang in his heart he’s currently feeling as he takes in the sight of his other half looking at another boy as if he was the only thing in this world.

Seungmin suddenly feels sick – a part of him wants to grab Hyunjin on his wrist and pull him away. But his more rational self keeps on winning the mental battle every time, so all he manages to do is to keep his head down as he does his best to prevent himself from crying on the spot.

 

 

•••••

 

 

“ _Seungmin? What happened to Hyunjin?_ ” Seungmin reads as soon as he opens his Messenger. It’s a message from Minho.

The cold air is biting on his skin from where he’s standing on the terrace of their apartment. When he looks up to the sky, the stars and the moon are shining brightly. Seungmin kind of feels bitter because how could they shine so bright when he’s hurting on the inside? He sighs, then goes to type in a reply. “ _He lost his memories._ ”

Seungmin knew that Minho didn’t know anything; the genuine look of confusion that the other boy gave him when Hyunjin had ran towards him and pulled him into a tight hug tells him so. It hurt when he saw how his boyfriend’s face lightened up because of another boy, and not because of _him_. But as much as it hurts, there was happiness Hyunjin’s eyes when he spoke to Minho, and Seungmin couldn’t find it in himself to say anything when Minho had kept on looking at him in question and with confusion – because Hyunjin’s happiness meant the world to him. Even if it brought him nothing but pain. Even though he still don’t completely trust Minho.

The other boy’s replies came a few minutes later:

“ _Oh my god..._ ”

“ _I’m so sorry, Seungmin._ ”

“ _I wish I can do anything to help..._ ”

“ _He kept chatting me, but I muted him._ ”

“ _Should I block him?_ ”

Seungmin couldn’t help it but let the smile make its way through his face. He still doesn’t trust him completely, but still, he just can’t find it in himself to be mad at him. Minho never really did anything wrong to them ever since their relationship started. When the other boy finally found the courage to show himself to Hyunjin, about two years ago, the first thing that he did was to apologize for cheating on him, for his ex-boyfriend beating him up, for just watching him get beaten up, and for running away just like that. The next thing that he did was to thank Seungmin for saving Hyunjin, and for taking care of him. Hyunjin wasn’t mad at him that much anymore, and he even joked at thanking Minho for doing that because that exactly was the reason why he met Seungmin – and to make their _reunion_ even more fun, Minho had also brought his new boyfriend with him. His name was Bang Chan.

“ _It’s okay._ ” Seungmin replies. “ _But can you perhaps send to me all the messages that he sent to you?_ ”

Obligingly, Minho replies within seconds and sends a couple of screenshots to Seungmin. He almost regrets asking for it as he reads everything, and the more he reads them, the more his heart aches.

“ _Minho, I miss you so much!_ ”

“ _Hey, why aren't you replying to me?_ ”

“ _Babe are you ignoring me?_ ”

“ _Can we meet this week, please?_ ”

Those are just some of Hyunjin’s messages. Seungmin closes his eyes shut as tears start to form, and he takes in a deep breath before sending a reply. “ _Thank you, Minho._ ”

“ _No problem. I’ll make sure to send you screenshots of his messages every time he chats me._ ”

Seungmin’s grateful at that.

He’s just about to lock his phone when a thought suddenly pops up in his mind. So, he turns the Wi-Fi on again, then opens his Messenger. “ _Minho? Are you still there? Can I ask you a favour?_ ” Seungmin sends, and stares at his phone as he waits for a reply.

Surprisingly, Minho replies within just a few seconds. “ _Yes. What is it?_ ”

Seungmin takes in another deep breath before replying. “ _If Hyunjin tells you to meet up, then can you perhaps go?_ ”

“ _Are you sure about this?_ ”

“ _Yes, I am. I just thought seeing you might... help with his situation?_ ”

“ _Okay, then?_ ”

“ _Thank you, Minho._ ”

“ _Anything, Seungmin._ ”

_Please take care of my boyfriend_ , Seungmin says in his mind as he locks his phone, and puts it back in his pocket. The thought of Hyunjin seeing Minho whenever his boyfriend asks hurts. It’s too much of a risk, he thinks. But Seungmin’s been good at enduring pain so far, so he thinks that he might be able to endure it for a little more – at least until Hyunjin gains his memories back.

_For how long will I have to wait?_ He finds himself asking again. _For how long will I keep on hurting?_

When he steps back into the living room, Hyunjin’s sitting on the couch and staring at his phone on the table with furrowed brows. Seungmin goes to take a seat, a few inches away, beside him.

“Are you having a staring contest with your phone?”

It takes a few more seconds before Hyunjin shifts his attention away from his phone, and looks at Seungmin. “No. I was waiting for Minho to reply, but I think he’s ignoring me...” He says with a pout.

Seungmin bites his lower lip. “Maybe he’s already asleep? It’s getting late now, anyway. Maybe we should go to sleep as well.”

What Hyunjin said next almost had Seungmin breaking down right in front of him as the older boy’s words hurt like nails scratching on a chalkboard.

“I think I’ll just sleep here. I just realized that a taken guy shouldn’t be sleeping on a bed with another guy.”

Seungmin does his best to stifle his emotions and to refrain himself from yelling out: _but I am your boyfriend, idiot! Dammit, we’ve been sleeping beside each other for five years!_

That night, the bed is colder than ever without Hyunjin’s warmth radiating towards him. It hurt when the older boy had his back facing Seungmin when they were sleeping on the bed the past weeks, but that pain is nothing compared to not having him near. His grief shows itself in different ways, and he suddenly feels alone – despite everyone swearing to be there for him. Still, Hyunjin is his number one source of hope that was taken away from him faster than he could even think. So, that night, he cries himself to sleep on Hyunjin’s pillow – inhaling the remains of his scent, and missing the days when everything around them used to be as perfect as he could imagine – as the cold blankets wrap themselves around his body.

 

 

 

 

 

_4th of April_

_2018_

“Kim Seungmin, will you marry me?” Hyunjin suddenly mumbles absentmindedly into his boyfriend’s red hair, arms wrapped tightly around Seungmin’s slim waist as the younger boy sits on his lap.

The two of them are sprawled on the sofa in their living room, intense sounds of the horror movie playing on the television in the background. The movie’s been long forgotten, actually, along with the bottles of beer and bags of junk food on the table the moment they felt sleepiness in their eyes, opting to just cuddle instead – with Seungmin’s face buried sleepily into the crook of Hyunjin’s neck.

The clock reads eleven twenty in the evening. The day of their fourth anniversary is almost over. They spent it in a, _surprisingly_ , much simpler way than the previous years – taking a walk in the park in the morning, choosing to eat in _less expensive_ restaurants, Hyunjin giving Seungmin a, _thankfully_ , less expensive gift as well, and Seungmin giving Hyunjin the traditional letters and the memorable photos of them he’d collected the past year. Hyunjin also gave him a box which contained a lot of sappy love letters, and polaroid pictures of them. Other that that, nothing much really happened that day. They just simply went back home after dinner, and decided to watch movies on Netflix.

Seungmin only lets out a questioning hum in response. He didn’t hear Hyunjin clearly. He’s not really paying that much attention to his surroundings as he’d chosen to focus on trying to fall asleep instead. “What did you say?” he asks, almost incoherently, followed by a yawn.

Hyunjin looks at him with fond eyes, moving a hand to run his fingers through the younger boy’s soft locks before leaning his forehead against the side of Seungmin’s head affectionately. He’d though about it for a while now; just momentary thoughts about finally tying the knot so he can _legally_ call Seungmin his. They’ve been together for four years now. Hyunjin is twenty-four, Seungmin is twenty-three. Some people might think that they’re still so young, but Hyunjin thinks it’s about time.

He doesn’t exactly think that they need some papers  to prove their love for each other, but Hyunjin just have these thoughts about not wanting to lose Seungmin to someone else while he still exists in this world – because if it isn’t Seungmin, then he would rather die than to end up with anyone else.

“Will you marry me?” Hyunjin repeats, pressing his lips against the younger boy’s temple as he waits for his boyfriend to answer. Seungmin takes his sweet time, and silence falls between them. But it wasn’t the awkward or nerve-wracking kind of silence – because Hyunjin knows that if Seungmin doesn’t like the idea of something Hyunjin suggested, then the younger boy would immediately decline without further thoughts. He knows Seungmin is just taking his time to tease, but Hyunjin doesn’t really mind waiting. He’d be willing to wait for forever and a day just to hear Seungmin’s sweet, honey voice saying _yes_ to his proposal.

After four years of being together, Seungmin is pretty confident that he’d already memorized Hyunjin like he’s memorized all the words to his favorite songs. He knows that Hyunjin has this tendency of doing things without even thinking. It somehow reminds him of the first time he met the older boy, and how Hyunjin wanted to jump off a building at that time. He didn’t expect that years later, he’d be madly in love with the same boy. It brings a lot of sweet and happy memories into his mind, and with an amused smile, he tilts his head to look at Hyunjin properly.

“Will I get a ring?” he asks, followed by a cheeky grin.

“Of course, love.” Hyunjin answers, nodding. “If you say yes, then I’ll buy you a ring.” He says, wiggling his brows playfully.

Seungmin laughs, loud yet breathy, and Hyunjin joins him. When they both stop, a few moments later, Seungmin is looking at him with eyes full of fondness and love. “Then it’s a _yes_. I will marry you, Prince Hwang Hyunjin.” He says, sweetly, and the look of pure, genuine bliss on Hyunjin’s face is so bright Seungmin thinks it can light up a whole town.

The proposal itself is far from being romantic; they’re not in some expensive, luxurious restaurant with an extreme setup like rose petals, and candle lights, and violins, and all that shit, and Hyunjin didn’t kneel down in front of him after they’ve done eating their food like what happens in the movies. They’re just inside the comfort of their home, straddled to each other on their sofa in the living room. It might be nothing special, but it doesn’t need to be – because Seungmin knows just how much Hyunjin loves him, and besides, this kind of stuff is just so _them_. They’ve always had this silent agreement that if they were to get married, then it would be Hyunjin to be the one to propose – and they’ve also both agreed to not to address each other as _fiancé_ , yet, until they finally have their rings.

It’s not perfect, but that’s exactly what Seungmin loves about _them_ ; about Hyunjin. They’re not perfect, but they are exactly what they both want, and what they both need.

“Hyunjin?” Seungmin mumbles, burying his face back to the older boy’s chest. Hyunjin hums, letting him know that he’s listening as he wraps his arms tighter around the slightly smaller boy. “I love you _so much_.”

A smile instantly makes its way through Hyunjin face, and he leans forward to plant a kiss on top of the younger boy’s head before burying his face into Seungmin’s soft locks. “I love you too, Minnie.”

 

 

 

 

 

_May_

_2019_

Two weeks later, Hyunjin still doesn’t know who he was, and he doesn’t even have the slightest clue about the little things that Seungmin tells him about _them_. It hurts that there isn’t a single thing that Seungmin could do about it. They’d never slept on the same bed again ever since the day they met Minho in the mall. They’d alternate on who sleeps on the bed and who sleeps on the couch in the living room; but whenever it was Seungmin’s turn to sleep on the bed, he’d always found himself curled up on the other couch near Hyunjin in the living room with tear tracks still visible on his face – just because he’d thought he slept better knowing that his other half was there, and near him. Even if it was not who he used to be.

Seungmin never forgets to remind himself about the doctor’s words; that doing the little things that might seem familiar to Hyunjin can speed up his recovery, and that pressuring him too much could make things worse. But Seungmin is growing impatient as the days pass by, and each day that pass hurts more than the previous one. Slowly, he was losing hope that the day Hyunjin recovers his memories might never happen at all. His faith in Hyunjin, and his recovery, suddenly wandered dangerously close to dissipating.

The thought of giving up on Hyunjin hurts him, too, but Seungmin became better at coping up with pain, even though it proved itself to be a lot harder than it seemed to be. So, there was no way he’ll give up on his other half – not when he’s already came this far. _Try forgetting about it all and just think of something else_ , he tells himself, but it’s easier said than done – especially when Seungmin’s seeing the cause of his pain every single day.

Hyunjin and Minho hung out almost everyday during those weeks, and Seungmin had to always try his hardest to keep a straight face whenever the older boy told him about how his day went with a bright smile plastered on his face. It seemed like his plan of ‘Hyunjin meeting Minho often might help his recovery’ from two weeks ago wasn’t working at all, and was only making things worse for him; for _them_. So, Seungmin grew a bit jealous at that, but he knew he couldn’t bring himself be mad at either of them.

People say that love conquers all; Seungmin wished it did.

 

 

•••••

 

 

One day, when Seungmin’s at his milk tea shop to help with all the work, Jeongin suddenly emerged from the kitchen towards the counter, and spoke without warning. “Hyung, maybe this is a sign that you should look for someone new.” Jeongin says, his voice quiet so only Seungmin could hear.

He almost drops the cup of taro he’s currently handing to a customer as he jumps on his place, and his fingers stutter, at the sudden remark. He offers a quick apology to the customer before turning his head to look at his worker. “What do you mean?”

“Err, well... we’ve never talked about it, but, we’ve seen how you’ve been in the past weeks, hyung. You really thought we wouldn’t notice that you’ve cried when you suddenly disappeared from where you’ve last been, then return minutes later?” Jeongin continues. “If it’s really hurting you, then maybe you should just... let him go? There are a lot of people out there who wants you, you know...”

Felix, his other worker in his shop and also Jeongin’s best friend, suddenly materializes from thin air and elbows his best friend on his side.

_Was I really that obvious?_ Seungmin sighs. “I’ve already said this a million times, and I’ll never get tired of saying it for a million more; I _love_ Hyunjin. I love him so much, and I will never, ever let him go no matter how much it hurts. I will never, ever give up on him because he’s more than worth it.” He says firmly. He’s really gotten better at enduring pain.

Jeongin and Felix give each other a look, before looking at Seungmin with worry plastered on their faces. Seungmin sighs once more, and takes a seat on the chair near the counter. Just then, the bell on the front door of the shop rings, signalling the three of them that a customer just entered the place.

Or maybe not just one.

When Seungmin lifts his head to look up, the first things that he sees is – of course, of all the people – Hyunjin, walking hand in hand with none other than Lee Minho, as the two of them look around the place. Seungmin’s chest suddenly feels heavy at the sight. So, rising up his seat, he turns on his heels and practically sprints his way towards the kitchen, leaving the worried best friends by the counter.

 

 

•••••

 

 

Seungmin finds himself curled up on the couch of their living room on a Friday night, watching a movie that he’s been wanting to watch again for weeks. There are open bags of chips that are almost empty on the small table in front, and also some cans of beer. He’s too engaged in watching the movie that he didn’t notice the front door creak open, and when he turns to his side, Hyunjin is there sitting closely beside him. Startled, he jumps on his place slightly, and the older boy grins.

“What are you watching?” Hyunjin asks, and Seungmin crosses his legs as he shifts his attention back to the movie.

“The Vow.” He answers, although the older boy could easily read the title on the screen.

Hyunjin raises his eyebrows. He’d never really liked watching movies with this genre, though Seungmin had always forced him to watch anyway – not that Hyunjin could remember. Or maybe he could.

“The Vow... I think I remember watching that before...” Hyunjin’s voice trails off as he furrows his brows. “Isn’t that about a couple who got into a car accident... then the girl forgot about the guy, and the guy tried to make her fall in love with him again?”

Seungmin nods, turning his head to look back at Hyunjin.  _It’s kind of like our story right now; except you’re the only one who got in a car accident, and you’re not a girl._ “Yes, that’s it.”

They fall into a comfortable silence – but it’s different from what Seungmin is used to – as they emerged themselves in watching the movie. At some time, Seungmin’s mind suddenly wanders back to the other day; at Jeongin’s words, and at the sight of Hyunjin holding hands with Minho.

_You keep holding onto the past when you shouldn’t be_ , a voice tells him.  _Is there really harm in doing so?_ He thinks. _Hyunjin is holding onto the past, too. The only difference is that he’s not hurting like I do._  His fingers suddenly grip on the cushion he’s holding as he stifles a cry – both from the movie, and from the pain that never left him.

“Seungmin? How have you been the past days, by the way?” Hyunjin suddenly asks when the movie is about to end.

_I’m still hurting_ , he thinks, but the older boy doesn’t need to know that. So instead, he replies, “The usual. Working at the company in the morning, then running a milk tea shop in the late afternoon.”

Seungmin turns his head to look at Hyunjin, and the older boy looks at him back with interested eyes. Suddenly, Hyunjin leans closer to him – though Seungmin thinks that the older boy doesn’t realize what he’s doing. Still, Seungmin always revels in the moments where everything feels like the way it used to be; as if the pain never existed, at all. Then again – for the nth time – his bliss didn’t last that long.

As soon as the older boy opens his mouth to speak again, the dust of the remnants of Seungmin’s heart crumbles themselves into a million pieces more, if that is even possible.

“Wow, you own a milk tea shop? I think I’ll have to bring Minho there someday.” Hyunjin says, smiling to himself. Seungmin, once again, pretends that he didn’t just feel another stab to his heart at the exact same spot.

He didn’t say anything after that, and only manages a nod as a response. The movie finally comes to an end, and Seungmin immediately turns the television off then rises up from his seat.

Seungmin had done a little bit of acting back in their university days, but now he isn’t as great as he used to before.

He’d talked to Hyunjin during dinner before going to bed, and swallowed in the bitterness and jealousy that he was feeling when he’d asked the older boy about how his day went. But he immediately regretted asking when Hyunjin happily spoke about the  _date_  he and Minho had been on, and all the other cute couple things that they did. All Seungmin had managed to do was to bite his lower lip, and held back his tears as he listened to his other half talk about someone else. To think that _that_ used to be  _them_  hurt in every single way.

That night, it was Hyunjin’s turn to sleep on the bed. Seungmin waited until the older boy fell asleep before going to the kitchen to drink on the remaining cans of beer in the fridge, silently crying, and hopelessly feeling alone.

 

 

•••••

 

 

“Seungmin, this isn’t working. I think we should stop this.” Minho says from across the table, and the look of worry on his face is prominent.

It’s a Wednesday afternoon, and Seungmin had texted him earlier to meet up. Minho obligingly agreed, and invited the younger boy to his restaurant instead.

“I know it’s hurting you whenever Hyunjin’s with me... So please, Seungmin, let’s end this...” His voice trails off. “For how long do you think you can endure all the pain, Seungmin? You don’t deserve all of this, and you know that.”

He knows that Minho is right. It’s been more than a month since the day Hyunjin forgot everything about him, about  _them_. More than a month has gone by, yet Seungmin is still reaching even though he knows that Hyunjin’s not there. Still, Seungmin wants to remain strong.

“Until Hyunjin remembers me. That’s how long I am willing to wait; that’s how long I am willing to bear with all the excruciating pain.” He manages to say, reaching out an arm across the table to hold the younger's hand. “So _please_ , help me for a little more. Don’t leave Hyunjin. You know how he’d been when you cheated on him then left him...” He pleads, voice trailing off, and he hates how he sounded almost desperate towards a person he don’t completely trust.

Minho sighs, and nods. “You’re going to have to treat me with a month supply of milk tea when all of this ends.” He jokes, grinning as he squeezes Seungmin’s hand in an attempt to lighten up the mood.

Well, it somehow did.

 

 

•••••

 

 

“Do you have a boyfriend?” Hyunjin asks later that night when Seungmin’s in their apartment kitchen, cooking something to eat for dinner.

He was busy adding some condiments when Hyunjin suddenly emerged into the kitchen and asked him the question. Seungmin huffs air to his bangs in irritation when he accidentally spills a little too much salt onto the pot. “Why did you ask?”

“I just want to know,” Hyunjin shrugs. “I kind of just... suddenly remembered you saying that you’re someone who’s in love with me when I asked you who you were back in the hospital.”

Seungmin pauses on what he’s doing then sighs, giving up on saving the dish he was cooking from its salty state to look at Hyunjin. “Yes, I have a boyfriend. Why? Are you starting to fall in love with me? Do you want to steal me from him?” He says, lifting an eyebrow.

“Maybe?” Hyunjin shrugs again. Seungmin bites back a smile. “But who’s your boyfriend, though? I’ve never really seen you with anyone else but... err... well, me...” He says, voice trailing off, bringing a hand up to scratch the back of his head.

Seungmin thinks it’s cute when he looks at the sight of Hyunjin being shy in front of him, but he also thinks that this part is where he’s probably supposed to burst into tears, fall on his knees, and hold onto Hyunjin’s legs looking utterly pitiful, and shout at him through sniffles and sobs and burning tears – plead for him to remember, because it hurts more than a million knives stabbing to his heart on the same spot repeatedly.

“You don’t have to know.” Seungmin manages to say with a forced smile, and through the rest of the night, he avoided Hyunjin’s questioning gazes and questions about his love life.

 

 

 

 

 

_June_

_2019_

On the first week of the new month, Seungmin finds himself sitting on his usual seat, at four in the morning, inside Bar Code, _again_. On the table stand five empty bottles of beer, and a half-empty bottle of rum with a shot glass filled with the liquid just beside it. He’s drunk, and almost out of his mind – with puffy and red eyes, and tear-stained cheeks.

When Jisung arrived, he asked Woojin if Seungmin’s been in the place often – turned out, Seungmin’s been going there and drinking until dawn for _five_ days straight. Woojin felt guilty for not telling Jisung immediately, but he reasoned out that Seungmin had pleaded him not to tell anyone.

“Seungmin, let’s go home.” Jisung says softly, taking a seat beside his best friend, but Seungmin didn’t say a thing. He just keeps on staring blankly at the table in front of him. “Seungmin, let’s go.” He calls out again, moving an arm to take his best friend’s hand in his.

Seungmin answers a few minutes later, lips quivering, and holding back the tears that are starting to form in his eyes, threatening to fall anytime. “Jiji... he- he asked me if I have a boyfriend... t-then asked who it is...” He says, and it’s only when he turns his head to look at Jisung – who’s looking at him with genuine concern on his face – that he lets his tears fall, for the nth time.

Jisung reaches out and secures his best friend into a comforting embrace, rubbing soothing circles on his back, and stroking the soft strands of his hair. It hurts when he sees his Seungmin being like this, knowing that Seungmin doesn’t really cry that easily, before.

He lets Seungmin cry on his chest, and waits for him to calm down so they can talk about it.

“You’re going to kill yourself with how much you’ve been drinking lately.” Jisung says, minutes later, when his best friend is calm enough to listen.

Seungmin has his head rested on Jisung’s shoulder as he clings onto his arm. “Isn’t that the point why I am doing this?” He blurts out, voice hoarse.

Jisung frowns at that. “Kim Seungmin.” He says in a warning tone and moves a hand to hit his best friend’s head.

Seungmin winces, then sighs in defeat. “I just can’t believe that all of this is happening, Jiji...” His voice trails off before he continues. “Everything was so _perfect_ between us, but now it’s like  _this_. One accident, and then  _pow_! He suddenly doesn’t remember me, doesn’t remember meeting me, doesn’t remember falling in love with  _me_. Yet he’s so in love with the person who broke his heart years ago, and I think it’s unfair that I couldn’t bring myself to be mad at that person because he’s really done nothing wrong to our relationship – even though I still don’t completely trust him.” He pauses to take a breathe. “It feels as if someone just pressed the reset button. I’m meeting Hyunjin and introducing myself to him for the first time all over again. Except, back then, it didn’t hurt when I look at him.”

Jisung just listens, and the more he listen, the more he is hurting with his best friend.

“Five years,” Jisung mumbles. “That’s a lot of time, Minmin. There has to be something,  _anything_ , that can trigger his memories and make him remember faster. There just has to be...” His voice trails off.

“I know, Jiji.” Seungmin takes in a deep breath. “I just... don’t know what it could be...”

Seungmin then sobered up quickly for his own liking. It was almost five when they left the place; Jisung drove a sleeping Seungmin back to his and Hyunjin’s apartment. It’s sad to think that Bar Code used to be a happy place for them and their friends back in their university days, but now, it turned into Seungmin’s crying nest for the past days and weeks.

Jisung planted a long kiss on his best friend’s forehead after laying his sleeping figure down on the couch before he finally left.

Seungmin wakes up several minutes later.  _Five-forty_ , he reads when he turns his head to look at the wall clock. A tear suddenly falls from his eyes, and so, he curls himself into a ball of sadness and lets himself cry  _again_ ; lets the tears burn down their tracks on his cheeks as if they’ve always belonged there, and Seungmin’s sure they have been if based on how many times he’d cried from the past weeks. Whenever a single teardrop fall, he’d cry himself dry, and he wondered where all of those tears came from. They seemed to be unceasing, just like to the pain he’d been feeling.

Suddenly, there’s a shadow that looms over him, and Seungmin quickly wipes his tears before sitting up. He brings his feet up then goes to hug his legs as he places his chin on his knees.

“Are you okay?” Hyunjin’s voice sounds a few seconds later, moving to sit on the couch beside the younger boy. Seungmin turns his head to look at him with a scowl, because he obviously looks nowhere near to  _okay_  at the moment. “Have you been drinking?”

“Why? Are you going to scold me?” He manages to say, trying his best not to sound broken. “I’m fine.” He lies.

Hyunjin shakes his head. “Am I allowed to do that?” He asks, lifting his eyebrows. The familiarity of this conversation is making Seungmin feel a bit nostalgic. “Also, has anyone told you that you’re so terrible at lying?” Hyunjin asks again, inching closer to Seungmin, who’s not saying anything and is just biting his lower lip. “Don’t worry, you don’t have to tell me what’s wrong if you really don’t want to. But I just want you to know that I can be a shoulder you can cry on if ever you needed one.”

With that, fresh tears fall from Seungmin’s eyes, again, and he reaches out to wrap his arms around Hyunjin’s waist as he cries on his boyfriend’s chest. They didn’t talk, and just stayed like that for some time. Hyunjin’s rubbing soothing circles on Seungmin’s back as the younger continues to cry, loud enough that it’s the only sound that can be heard in the whole place; loud enough for it to jerk something to the older boy’s mind.

It’s only when Seungmin’s nearly cried himself to sleep that Hyunjin leans closer to the younger’s ear to speak. “Hey, Seungmin? You told me that I should always tell you whenever I remember something new, right?” He says, but he doesn’t know that Seungmin’s already slowly drifting off to sleep. “Well, I... I think I remember meeting you for the first time. We were on a rooftop, and you saved me... but it could’ve been also just a dream.” Hyunjin waits for the younger to respond, but he hears Seungmin snoring softly instead. “Oh... he fell asleep...” He mumbles to himself, carefully moving Seungmin’s head from his chest down to his lap in an attempt to make the younger sleep in a more comfortable position.

They slept just like that; with Seungmin’s head rested on the older boy’s lap as Hyunjin leaned his back against the couch, their fingers intertwined on top of the younger’s chest.

That felt like nothing has changed at all, even though everything had.

 

 

 

 

 

_July_

_2019_

“He still hasn’t moved out of your apartment yet.” Jeongin says as he watches Seungmin work on a cup of winter melon tea that a customer ordered a while ago.

Seungmin thinks that it’s just an attempt to make him feel better. It doesn’t, but it somehow lightens his spirit a little for some odd reason. Maybe it’s because Jeongin is his and Hyunjin’s  _cute giant baby_ that they’ve  _unofficially_  adopted three years ago.

“I hope he never does.” Seungmin says as soon as he’s done, then he goes to walk towards the counter to hand the cup to the waiting customer.

“I have faith in Hyunjin hyung. I think he isn’t that dumb to know that he should stay with you, whether he remembers anything, or not.”

Seungmin suddenly feels his own expression darken, then he turns to lock eyes with Jeongin. “But he doesn’t love me anymore, Yennie. Everything isn’t like how it used to be. Everything has _changed_.” He says.

But Jeongin shakes his head. “You’re wrong with the first part, Seungmin hyung. It’s just his mind that doesn’t love you; that doesn’t _remember_ you,” He corrects, gaze intent as he looks into the older boy’s eyes. “The heart can feel what the mind couldn’t remember, hyung. I utterly believe that you and Hyunjin hyung are made for each other, and that his heart still remembers _and_ loves you.”

Seungmin rolls his eyes then grabs a cup from the counter and uses it to cover Jeongin’s mouth. But he can’t help it but let the smile make its way on his face; because he’s hoping that Jeongin is right. Wishing that the younger boy’s words are true.

 

 

 

 

 

_September_

_2019_

Two more months later, Hyunjin still hasn’t recovered his memories.

It had been almost half a year since the accident, yet Hyunjin showed such little signs of remembering anything. Slowly, Seungmin was, again, losing faith that the older boy might ever recover his memories. But Seungmin knew that he couldn’t just let go of Hyunjin. His heart would never let him, no matter how broken it is right now. After all, he’d promised himself to his other half, and he couldn’t go back on his words – because he believed that someone only fall in love this hard once in their life, and he believed that this was his one and only chance in forever and a day.

He misses  _them_ , but he knows that there are certain things that hit the peak, and then the next time they didn't matter anymore.

Seungmin found himself spending several days and nights during those months at Jisung and Changbin’s place, but he wasn’t in tears every time he’d came to visit. Simply because Jisung pleaded him not to, and also because his best friend warned him that he won’t be welcome anymore if he’d cried at least once. It was hard, but he’d managed to do it. He’d also spent the whole day of his birthday at the couple’s place. Jisung didn’t allow him at first, but Seungmin pleaded his best friend until he gave up and reasoned out that Hyunjin doesn’t even remember what’s on that day anyway so why bother spending it at their own apartment, and then went home on the next day, ignoring Hyunjin’s inquiries about where he had been the day before.

On his birthday, he’d only bought himself a cake. The older boy invited Minho to their apartment in the morning. Seungmin excused himself to go out, saying he had to buy something, but never returned until the next day.

Seungmin has never been a big fan of dramatic romance movies, and television series, though he’d watch several of them before, but he couldn’t help but think that his life, right now, is somehow almost similar to a romantic tragedy. Like some kind of angst story that a teenager might cry for days before utterly forgetting about it eventually, then move on.

_You’ll never know how much you love someone until they’re gone_. He’d read that quote for a million times before, and it isn't until almost six months ago, until now, that he can relate to it so much.  _But Hyunjin is still there; he’s not gone_ , a part of him would tell. Yes, he is, but at the same time, he isn’t. Still, Seungmin loves him the same way as he did.

The clock reads eight o’clock in the evening, and it’s raining outside. Seungmin’s sitting on a chair by the window in the living room, looking out at the city as the pouring rain soaks everything in sight. The weather is cold, but somehow it doesn’t feel as cold as the bed whenever Seungmin sleeps alone.

“Don’t you feel cold?” Hyunjin’s voice sounds from behind him, making Seungmin jump a bit on his place.

Seungmin turns to look at him with a blank expression. “Isn’t it obvious?”

“I just... want to start a conversation...” Hyunjin says, handing thick jacket to the younger, before pulling a chair for himself and takes a seat beside Seungmin.

Seungmin accepts the jacket and wears it, taking a breath at how warm and comfortable it feels. “Well, that’s not a good conversation starter.”

“I know,” Hyunjin tells him with a grin, but his voice trails off when he speaks again. “I just... want to hear your voice...”

Seungmin feels himself flushing at that. Rolling his eyes, he aims a kick at the older boy’s shin, and Hyunjin just laughs. Seungmin can’t help it but smile in amusement. “What now? Are you flirting with me?”

Hyunjin shrugs, then shifts his eyes to the side. “Um, maybe?” He answers, grinning again as he looks back at the younger. Seungmin almost forgets at the moment that  _this_  Hyunjin thought he’s a taken guy – but not by Seungmin. He’s also pretty sure that just at this moment, Hyunjin forgets that the younger also has a boyfriend – that is utterly unknown. “I don’t know why, but I feel like it’s... just so comfortable and natural to say sappy things to you.” Hyunjin’s voice sounds again.

Seungmin snorts. “Comfortable? Natural?”

Hyunjin nods eagerly. “Yep!” He exclaims. “I feel like... I- I think it’s one of those missing pieces in this mental puzzle that I’ve been working on since months ago.” He pauses, then moves a hand up to scratch the back of his head. “You’re just- err... you’re so oddly familiar to me, but I don’t know why. My mind also reminds me of... of little things whenever I see your face, but I really don’t understand them... But I’m doing my best to put them all to pieces, you know? I think you’re someone who’s _really_ important to me... it’s just that I don’t remember, can't remember, and I feel so, so bad about it. I’m really sorry, Seungmin...”

Seungmin didn’t even realize that his tears were falling as he looked at Hyunjin and as he listened to his words. His tears burn down the tracks on his cheeks again, but Seungmin’s been numb enough to not to react, to not to feel anything.

“Oh my god, Seungmin, why are you crying?” Hyunjin gasps at the sight of the younger that is in tears. As if on instinct, he extends his arms and pulls Seungmin into a warm and comfortable hug. “Shh, please don’t cry... Did I say something wrong?”

Seungmin cries on Hyunjin’s chest for a while, tears soaking the fabric of the older boy’s shirt. “I just want you to remember  _everything_ , Hyunjin...” He whispers through sniffles and sobs; voice broken, pained, pitiful, hopeless, all at once. Seungmin moves his head from the older boy’s chest to look at him in the eyes, bringing his hands up and gently pressing his palms against Hyunjin’s cheeks as he looks at the older boy with pleading and desperate eyes. “It hurts, Jinnie. _It hurts so much_...”

There’s a glint of regret on Hyunjin’s eyes as he brings his own hands up to place it over Seungmin’s hands on his own cheeks. “I’m so sorry that I couldn’t remember, Seungmin...” He says, but it didn’t make Seungmin feel any better; it still didn’t take away all the pain.

Closing his eyes and wiping his tear-stained cheeks, Seungmin pulls away from the older boy then rises up from his seat. “I’m going to sleep.” He murmurs, as he walks away from Hyunjin, not looking back to the older boy’s eyes as he did.

He just can’t.

 

 

 

 

 

_November_

_2019_

Seungmin finds himself searching the whole apartment looking for a light blue box with a pink lid.

It was one of Hyunjin’s gifts on their fourth anniversary just last year. The box contained forty-eight _sappy_ handwritten love letters Hyunjin claimed he’d written for every _monthsary_ they’ve had, as well as some nearly-faded polaroid pictures of  _them_. When Seungmin asked  _why_  with his eyebrows raised, the older boy just said that it was because they’ve been together for almost half a decade already. He’d also told Seungmin to only open the box two times; on the day it was gifted to him, and then again if Seungmin misses him so much.

“ _I made it as sappy as you could ever imagine, so that you would never open it again; and also because I would never make you miss me since I'd always be by your side_ ,” Hyunjin had reasoned out.

But on a cold November night when he’s on their apartment all alone, waiting for Hyunjin to come home, Seungmin finds himself searching for that box again. Maybe it’s just his wishful thinking, or probably his mindless dreaming, but Seungmin just wants _them_ back already. No – he’s  _desperate_  to have  _them_  back. He’s sick and tired of being just  _one of those missing pieces_ in the mental puzzle Hyunjin said he’d been working on. It’s been about seven months now. _For how long will I have to wait more?_

It hurts, but he’s just too in love to let it all go.

More than a year later, Seungmin finds himself standing in the middle of their bedroom, with the box in between his hands. His brows furrow as he wonders why it hasn’t collected dust at all, since none of them really touches it, or opens it, or even bothers to clean it. But Seungmin just shrugs it off.

He nearly drops the box the second he opens it as his hands shake, and shivers spread throughout his body faster than he could think. Fresh tears start to fall, and he moves a hand to cover his quivering mouth as he takes in everything that he sees.

Inside the box are two gold rings with their names engraved on each of them.

Hyunjin  _was_  going to propose, properly, with a ring.

The thought itself hurts, and Seungmin’s mind suddenly wanders way back to the day of their fifth anniversary; to the day of Hyunjin’s accident.  _Has Hyunjin been planning to do it since last year? Was he perhaps going to do it during our vacation?_  A million and one thoughts keep popping out in his mind one by one, and Seungmin, once again, hates himself.

His blood runs cold, and he closes the box as soon as possible – because every second that passes hurts more than the previous ones the longer he looks at the rings. He leaves the box on the bedside drawer then goes to bury himself under the cold blankets of the bed, crying himself dry until he falls asleep.

 

 

•••••

 

 

Unnecessary to say, all cliché stories came true when Hyunjin emerges into the bedroom the next morning. It’s eight o’clock, and he wants to wake Seungmin up from his sleep when a glimpse of the box sitting on top of the bedside drawer distracts him. Hyunjin’s curiosity got the better of him, and the next thing he knows, he’s walking towards where the box is. Oddly enough, the box is so familiar to him, so he couldn’t help it but let his curious hand pull open the lid.

The first thing he sees are the rings with his and Seungmin’s names engraved on each one.

He turns to his side to look at Seungmin – and luckily, the younger showed no signs of waking up – before he picks up both of the gold rings to have a closer look. The more he looks at them, the more confused his mind gets.

He places the rings to the space beside the box a few seconds later, then goes to look through the sappy love letters and nearly-fades pictures. The penmanship on each letter is obviously his, but the pictures of him and Seungmin being  _intimate_  to each other trigger more confusion in his mind. There are photos of him and Seungmin  _kissing_ ; them, holding hands; him, riding on Seungmin’s back; Seungmin smiling with his eyes practically disappearing into crescents; and many more.

Hyunjin furrows his brows as his head begins to hurt. Some dates written on the letters are way back to the time he thinks he’d still been dating Minho, but the messages tell him that Seungmin is his _one and only_ ; his  _other half_. Without a doubt, it was him who wrote each word in the letters. It was his own penmanship, and how he would exactly construct his sentences. Hyunjin brings his hands up to rub his temples as his headache begins to worsen. He doesn’t understand any of this.

When Seungmin shifts his position on the bed, Hyunjin jumps on his spot. He quickly returns everything into the box then puts the lid back before leaving the room. He cancels his initial plan of having breakfast with Seungmin, and eats alone instead – with an aching head, and a mind full of thoughts he couldn’t understand.

The two of them avoided each other’s gazes for the rest of the week; and neither of them had the courage to even say a word to the latter.

 

 

•••••

 

 

A week later, Seungmin finds himself in Jisung and Changbin’s apartment once again.

His best friend sent him a text this afternoon to meet him in their apartment for dinner – because he has something _controversial_ to tell Seungmin. Curiosity got the best of him at that time, and here he is, anxiously waiting for Jisung to spill everything.

“Han Jisung.” Seungmin says from across the table. It’s been literally thirty minutes since they’ve finished eating, but all they’ve been doing was to switch gazes with one another.

Jisung didn’t say anything and simply just switched his gaze to Changbin, _again_ , then the two of them stare at each other with something in their eyes Seungmin can’t quite decipher.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, are you going to tell me something or not?” he sighs loudly, exasperatedly, before closing his eyes. Then he bumps his forehead against the hardwood table, making a nasty sound. The couple both visibly cringe at that, and when Seungmin lifts his head in an attempt to hit his forehead again, Changbin immediately shoots up from his seat to hold on the youngest boy’s head.

“Okay, okay. Just don’t do that again, jesus.” Changbin says, not letting go of Seungmin’s head until he’s sure the boy won’t do what he did again.

“Fine.” Seungmin rolls his eyes then slaps Changbin’s hands away. “Now spill.”

Jisung nods, and clears his throat before he gestures something at Changbin. The oldest of the three also nods his head once before making his way out of the dining room. Seungmin lifts his eyebrows at Jisung in question, but the other boy just tells him to wait.

Changbin returns five minutes later, holding a brown envelope in his hands. He then lays it on the table just in front of Seungmin before going back to his seat. Seungmin looks at the envelope with furrowed brows, feeling confused and curious at the same time. He opens his mouth to speak but Jisung beats him to it.

“Seungmin. Promise us that you won’t do _anything_ stupid after this.” Jisung says, gaze intent as he locks eyes with Seungmin.

“I won’t.” he nods, looking back at his best friend in the same manner. They stay like that for a few seconds before Jisung gives him the permission to open the envelope.

His expression darkens the second he sees what’s inside, blood running cold. “Since when?” Seungmin asks, fists clenched, almost crumpling the envelope and all that is inside as he takes in everything that he sees. His mind starts whirring with thoughts, and he feels stupid, he feels betrayed.

“Since two months ago.”

Seungmin doesn’t really know what to do after knowing that, a million and one thoughts keep rushing into his mind. But what he does know is that he _needs_ to see Lee Minho as soon as possible.

 

 

•••••

 

 

The next night, Seungmin finds himself driving towards Minho’s restaurant.

_To see is to believe_ , he’d read that a lot of times before. So here he is, sitting inside his car on the parking lot just in front of said restaurant. Luckily, the place has glass for walls in the front, and he’s thankful to whoever designed it since he can see what’s going on inside as he watches with squinted eyes from not too far away.

It wasn’t until at least twenty minutes later that something actually happens.

Minho steps out of the restaurant with Hyunjin beside him. The two of them talk for a moment with wide smiles plastered on their faces, and Seungmin has to look away from the sight for a few seconds as he feels a pang in his chest. Then Hyunjin laughs at something Minho said, waving his hand at the older boy before walking away.

Seungmin just sits there, watching, waiting, and when Hyunjin has taken a few steps away, Minho suddenly pulls him close then seals their lips in a kiss. He’s not quite sure if he’s seeing it right, but Hyunjin actually looks taken aback at what just happened as he abruptly pulls himself away from the older boy, and his body seems to have stiffened. Seungmin can practically feel his blood boil with growing anger and jealousy as the he watches everything unfold right before his eyes. He wants to laugh at everything, but he mostly wants to laugh at himself. He never really should’ve trusted Minho in the first place.

Taking a deep breath, Seungmin finally gets out of the car the moment Hyunjin is gone, and Minho is back inside the restaurant. When he walks towards a table somewhere in the middle, a waiter approaches him.

“Good evening, sir. Table for?” he asks with the signature customer service smile, holding a tray in his hands.

“I would like to talk to your chef.” Seungmin says, voice cold, eyes fixed on Minho from behind the counter in front of him.

The waiter nods. “Please wait for a while.” He says before walking away. Seungmin then moves to take a seat on the chair as he waits for Minho to approach his table.

It takes Minho a few minutes to finally show up. “Hi, sir, were you asking for-” he starts, but cuts himself off as he realizes who was it that asked for him. “Seungmin... y-you’re here.” He stutters, then starts fiddling on his fingers as Seungmin looks up at him impassively. “Can I help you, sir...?”

“I have something to complain about the food that you feed to _my boyfriend_.” Seungmin then takes a breath, trying his best to keep his calm.

Minho purses his lips, taking a glance to his left before taking a seat on the chair across the younger boy. Clearing his throat, he says, “Really?” then hums.

“It has poison,” Seungmin replies, crossing his arms in front of his chest, gaze never leaving the older boy’s eyes. “And it tastes of treachery, and _desperation_.”

Minho looks to his side then chuckles breathily, clasping his hands on top of the table. Seungmin wants nothing but to punch that smile off of the older boy’s pretty face the moment he starts talking again. “However you think it tastes, your boyfriend seems to like it. Otherwise, he wouldn’t keep coming back here for it. Your boyfriend keeps coming back here because you _starve_ him at home.”

Seungmin could only raise his eyebrows at that as he stares daggers at the older boy. Minho’s finally showing his true colours, his true motives, and Seungmin regrets ever entrusting Hyunjin to him. But tonight, he’s decided that he’ll end everything once and for all.

“You know, a man could only go for so long without food.” Minho continues, smirk still plastered on his face. “I feed Hyunjin’s hunger. I satisfy him, and he satisfies me.”

He takes another breath once the older boy stops talking, looking to the side for a second to roll his eyes before finally speaking. “I thought earlier that I got lost.” He starts, keeping the blank expression on his face. “I was wondering why were you here in a restaurant when you’re better off in the mall, shopping for backscratchers.” That seems to do something if based on how Minho’s eye twitched, and how his eyes started glossing after that.

“Do you think this is some itch that needs to be scratched?” Minho hisses, eyes wide as he shifts his gaze to the side for a second before looking back at Seungmin. “He loves me, and he always tells me that he can only feel love from me-”

“And you really believe that it’s the truth?” Seungmin intervenes, snorting, then smirks afterwards. “You only look smart, but you’re actually _stupid_ and _gullible_.” He deadpans, and Minho swallows, leaning back to his chair as he blinks away the tears that are forming in his eyes. “What do you think of yourself? That you’re his one and only? News flash: Hyunjin has _amnesia_. He’s _only_ saying he loves you because he doesn’t remember who I am.”

“If he still can’t remember you after all the months that passed, then take it as a sign that he doesn’t really love you.” Minho snaps back, wide eyes full of rage as he looks into the younger’s eyes. “You have _nothing_ to hold on to.”

“I have every reason to hold on and to fight for Hyunjin. _I am his boyfriend_.” Seungmin hisses, returning the same gaze towards the older boy. “All of the rights belongs to _me_. I’m fighting for the love that I’m giving, the life that I worked hard for, the dream that I built, and most of all, the relationship that we have for _five years_ – our relationship that you’re _wrecking_ , and what about you?” he asks, tilting his head to the side, voice slowly rising with every word he says. “What are you fighting for? That _itchiness_ of yours?!” Seungmin suddenly snarls, earning a few confused looks from the people around them.

“Can you not-” Minho grits his teeth, glancing to his sides. “-make a scene?”

“Can you not-” but Seungmin’s not having any of it as he practically growls the next words he says with wide eyes. “- _steal_ my boyfriend?!” this time, almost everyone in the restaurant are looking into their direction.

Minho swallows on his spit, trying his best to keep a cold expression as he shoots up from his seat, but Seungmin can he how the older boy’s eyes are shaking. “Leave.” He deadpans.

Seungmin stands, keeping their gazes locked. “I’m not done yet.”

“And what do you want to do? Slap me? Punch me?” Minho grits his teeth once again, fists clenching on his sides.

“Is that what you want?” He asks back, lifting his brows. “If that’s what you want, then I can give it to you. But I will not do it.” He says in a, thankfully, much calmer tone this time. “I don’t want to get infected by your _filth_. I didn’t bring a sanitizer.” The older boy only bites his lips as he remains silent. “Let’s end this, Lee Minho. Stop meeting up with Hyunjin. Stay away from _my_ boyfriend.”

“And what if he’s the one who doesn’t stop?” Minho manages to say.

“You have the option to not do anything to him. But if you really can’t, then I can forget about being educated. I’ll drag you outside until I’m done with you. Then you’ll have to need a surgery for that thick-skinned face of yours. Do you get me?” Seungmin spits one last time, voice a whisper but still menacing, before turning his back to the older boy then walking out of the place.

It’s not until Seungmin is gone that Minho brings a hand to clutch on the fabric of his shirt covering his chest, releasing a breath he doesn’t know he’s been holding.

 

 

 

 

 

_December_

_2019_

A few more weeks later, Seungmin’s inside the kitchen cooking something to eat for dinner when Hyunjin’s voice suddenly calls his name.

“Seungmin?” The older boy says, and there’s something in his voice that Seungmin can’t quite decipher.

He jumps on his spot at that and almost drops the spoon he’s holding. He takes in a deep breath before he replies, “In the kitchen...” and the next thing Seungmin hears are Hyunjin’s quick footsteps as the older boy makes his way to the kitchen.

When Hyunjin emerges into the kitchen, he feels like his body is moving on its own will, and everything that he does next feels so natural to him. Slowly, he walks towards Seungmin, who's currently stirring on the pot of food he's cooking, then leans in closer and presses his front against the younger’s back. He then wraps his arms around Seungmin’s slim waist as he places his chin on the younger boy’s shoulder.

Seungmin can practically hear his heartbeat in his ears at the older boy’s sudden gesture. Taking in a deep breath, he turns to his head slightly to the side and asks, “W-what’s wrong, Hyunjin? Your  _date_  with Minho didn't go well?”

“No, not that...” Hyunjin shakes his head. “I just... I miss you, _Seungminnie_...” His voice trails off, then he moves his head to bury it onto the younger’s nape.

Seungmin feels his heart skip a beat at that, but he does his best to remain calm. “You seem so down. Do you want to talk about it?”

Hyunjin nods. “Let's have a drink too, please.”

Seungmin frowns, and moves a hand to turn off the stove. Then he turns around to lock his eyes with Hyunjin’s. “O... kay...? Now you’re obliged to tell me what’s wrong with you. You’re acting strange...”

“I’ll tell you when I’m drunk enough,” Hyunjin sighs. “Watever?”

Then they drive to Watever, a _noraebang_ they usually go to in their university days, after eating their dinner. True to his words, Hyunjin _does_ tell him everything he’d wanted to say after five shots of rum and three shots of tequila. Seungmin, on the other hand, isn’t exactly that sober to remember anything what the older boy just told him, but at the same time, not that drunk to know what he’s doing at the moment. Though he’s utterly aware that they’d both be suffering hangovers tomorrow when they wake up.

It’s now thirty minutes past midnight. Seungmin’s pressing numbers on the remote of the karaoke inside their cubicle before pressing the play button afterwards. As soon as the song starts playing and Seungmin starts singing, Hyunjin furrows his brows at the familiarity of the song.

_Words I can never hear from you;_

_I remember your words,_

_telling me to just stay by your side_

_Why does my wounded heart_

_keep searching for you?_

When Seungmin sings the first verse, his voice sounds gruff, but his own eyes are full of emotions as he locks them with Hyunjin’s – and even though he sounds drunk and almost out of tune, Hyunjin still thinks that the younger’s voice sounds so  _beautiful_ , and _soothing_ , and _perfect_  to his ears.

_Now that you leave me,_

_and whatever you do,_

_I hope that you think of me;_

_That your days without me_

_are as sad as mine_

Seungmin continues with the second verse in the same manner, his eyes never intending to leave Hyunjin’s – and the older boy’s looking at him in both bewilderment and confusion, with a little bit of nostalgia.

_Why am I the only one in pain?_

_Why do I miss you all day like this again?_

When the chorus comes, Seungmin starts walking, slowly, towards Hyunjin until he’s practically standing right in front of the older boy as he sings with his heart.

_It digs deep inside;_

_Your actions, the way you talk,_

_every little thing becomes crystal clear_

_Why does my foolish_

_heart do this?_

_Why am I hurting more?_

_I don’t get it at all_

_Your callous expression hurts me,_

_I’m in a lot of pain_

Hyunjin can almost feel it inside him; all the raw and intense emotions in Seungmin’s voice as he sings the chorus. It’s as if he meant every word he's singing, and every line is directed only towards the older boy.

_It hurts so much,_

_It hurts so much_

When the first chorus ends, and the instrumental for the next verse starts playing, Seungmin suddenly stops singing, and the first thing that Hyunjin sees are fresh tears falling down the younger’s cheeks.

Seungmin places the microphone on the table in front, then moves down to straddle on Hyunjin’s lap. Wrapping his arms around the older boy’s neck, he buries his head on Hyunjin’s chest and starts crying audibly. Hyunjin lets him, just like what he did on the first time he saw the younger cry, and he also keeps rubbing soothing circles on Seungmin’s back as he waits for the younger to stop crying and calm down.

Minutes later, Seungmin’s cries come to a halt, and he lifts his head up to look at Hyunjin’s face – their faces are so close to one another that he could feel the younger’s breath practically fanning across his lips. Seungmin reeks of alcohol, but they both do, so he didn’t care. Hyunjin may not be quite in his right mind at the moment, but he knows he’ll remember  _this_  tomorrow morning.

Their stay like that for some time; their eyes locked, and breaths fanning each other’s faces. It feels strange for Hyunjin, but it also feels right. It feels so, so right.

Then he remembers the box; the rings, the letters, the pictures of them together, so he goes to open his mouth to speak and he was just about to ask a series of questions when Seungmin starts to speak first.

“Hyunjin.” Seungmin whispers, and Hyunjin feels like there’s something in the way the younger said his name. Maybe it’s because he’s drunk and probably just assuming things, but he’d always felt that. Whenever Seungmin say his name, there’s always something like _love_ and  _affection_ in it, even when he’s crying.

All Hyunjin manages to reply is a hum.

“Hyunjin, I’m sorry...” Seungmin whispers again, feeding more confusion to the older boy’s mind. Hyunjin furrows his eyebrows at that, and his arms around Seungmin’s waist tighten. “I’m s-sorry that I got sick on that day... I’m sorry that I didn’t go with you and you’d have to leave alone. I’m sorry I made you worry so much for me. Do you know how much I regret that day? I wish it never came, but it’s all _my_ fault that you’re like this... It’s my entire fault that you forgot about _me_. Do you know how much it  _hurts_  waking up everyday knowing that your other half doesn’t remember who you are? I just want everything back to the way it was before, Jinnie... I just want _you_ back...”

Hyunjin didn’t say anything and just listened, but, as if on instinct, he moves a hand up to wipe the fresh tears the moment they fell on Seungmin’s cheeks, and whispers affectionate words of assurance that everything will be better soon. Everything he does to Seungmin feels so natural, but he’s not sure why.

“Listen to me-” A sob makes Seungmin pause, and he swallows the lump in his throat before he speaks again. “I want _you_ back, Hwang Hyunjin. I... I want  _us_ back. I  _need_  you like I needed air to breathe, and I’m so sorry if I fucked up so bad when all you did to me was to treat me as if I meant  _everything_ to you. If only I could go back in time and fix everything, then I would... I- I’d be willing to do  _anything_  just to have you back, because  _I love you_. I love you so, so much, Jinnie... I love you more than anything else in this world, and- it just... it  _hurts_  so fucking much that you couldn’t remember me, but you remember  _him_  instead. It hurts, but I still love you all the same... So, please, come back to me... I just want _you_ back to me...”

“Seungmin... you... you love me...” Hyunjin repeats, his own voice barely audible as he continues to speak. “I... I’m so sorry that I can’t remember you...”

But Seungmin hears him, and he shakes his head. “Yes, I do – and no, you don’t have to apologize, Hyunjin... You’re drunk too, so there’s no way you can remember anything I’ve said tomorrow when you wake up. But still, I  _hope_  that you’ll remember.” Seungmin murmurs. “Not just the things that happened tonight, but  _everything_. About me. About  _us_...” He says one last time, voice trailing off.

“Seungmin.... can I kiss you?” he suddenly asks. Seungmin only nods in response, and Hyunjin doesn’t even resist the urge to lean closer and seal their lips together in a kiss. He didn’t know why he asked for it  and did it, but it felt _so right_. With Seungmin, everything always feels so right.

They continue to kiss, long and sweet and passionate. Hyunjin’s arms are still wrapped tightly around the younger’s waist, while Seungmin has one hand on Hyunjin’s face whilst the other is on his shoulder. They tilt their heads from side to side, but didn’t battle for dominance; they just want to  _feel_ each other.

It’s only when they feel the need to breathe that they pull away from each other. Seungmin presses their foreheads together, leaning forward to plant one last kiss on Hyunjin’s lips before closing his eyes.

Seungmin’s rational self hates him for letting his guard down, this time, but drunken Seungmin doesn’t really care that much, even though he knows all too well that everything is going to break him to pieces,  _again_. Still, Seungmin will always be willing to play the fool for Hyunjin if he has to – because after all this time, as absurd as it sounds, he’s still so deeply  _in love_.

 

 

•••••

 

 

Hyunjin remembered everything that happened last night when he woke up in the morning, his head still throbbing, and lips still tingling from the kiss he and Seungmin shared the night prior. Everything he did with the younger boy seemed so familiar to him, yet his mind served him nothing. But, he also remembered that he needed to tell Minho; for the reason that he couldn’t bare keeping everything that happened between him and Seungmin as a secret to his  _boyfriend_.

It was three o’clock in the afternoon when he arrived at Minho’s place, without a warning. Minho practically jumps off his skin the moment he opens the door and Hyunjin pulls him into a tight hug.

“Hyunjin, w-what are you doing?” Minho stutters as he pulls away from the younger’s embrace.

The sight of Minho pulling away from him feels oddly familiar to him, and suddenly, there are hundreds and thousands of images flashing through his mind like a flickering slideshow of all times he’d felt  _rejected_ – but at the end, it brought him to the day when it was Minho that made him feel this way.

Hyunjin is more than confused at the moment, but he still continues, because a small part of him tells him so. “I kissed Seungmin last night... I’m so sorry, Minho,” He says, reaching out to grasp on the older boy’s shoulders. “I was drunk... and I know this won’t make things better between us, but I just want to be honest with you...”

Minho wriggles his way out of the younger’s grasp, and slowly takes a few steps back. “Hyunjin, it’s okay. You don’t have to apologize to me... please, I don’t want any more trouble.”

More confusion comes flooding into his mind at the sight of Minho stepping back away from him, and Hyunjin suddenly feels scared, and lost, and everything all at once. Still, his body seems to move on its own accord as he pulls the older boy, again, into a hug.

“No, Minho. It’s not okay!” Hyunjin almost shouts. “It’s not okay to kiss another guy behind your back, and I’m sorry. Please, don’t leave me. Don’t walk away from me.”

Minho’s stuttering when he speaks as he struggles to get out of Hyunjin’s tight embrace. “I-It’s really fine, Hyunjin... so please let go of me. Y-you’re hurting me.”

“No, I won’t let go! Don’t leave me, Minho. Please...” Hyunjin keeps holding onto Minho tightly, whilst the older boy’s struggling as he tries to pull himself away.

“I said let go!” Minho shouts, forcing his way out of Hyunjin’s arms.

Things escalated quickly after that, and the last things that Hyunjin remembered before everything around him turned black were: the sight of Minho pushing him, his own head hitting roughly against the door, and a sharp pain shooting the back of his head.

Then nothing.

 

 

•••••

 

 

Seungmin’s grief came flooding back in his insides the second he received a call from Jisung saying Hyunjin is in the hospital.

His head was still pounding from the hangover that didn’t seem to leave his systems as he walked down the halls of the hospital towards where Hyunjin’s room is. To his surprise, Minho was sitting on the metal bench outside the room. When the older boy noticed his presence, the first thing that he did was to practically jump on Seungmin then bury his face on the younger boy’s chest to cry.

“Seungmin, I’m so sorry.” Minho says with tears falling down his cheeks when he lifts his head up to look at him.

The nerve of him to cry after what he did. Seungmin shakes his head, then pushes Minho away, forcefully. “What did you do?” He hisses, looking at the older boy impassively, trying his best to conceal his rage, but he’s also about to cry at the same time.

Minho told him everything when he thought the younger was calm enough to listen. Seungmin couldn’t hide his relief when he knew that that what happened to Hyunjin wasn’t so serious, but he also couldn’t help it but put all the blame to Minho as his blood suddenly runs cold.

“I can’t fucking believe you.” He deadpans.

“Seungmin, please, I really am sorry.” Minho pleads, but Seungmin isn’t quite sure if it’s real or fake considering how their conversation went the last time they saw each other in person. “I’m so sorry for what I did. I’m sorry for what I said to you at that time. I’m so sorry for taking advantage of the situation... and I’m sorry if I-” he pauses to swallow the lump in his throat, then takes breath. “I’m sorry if I tried to steal-”

Still not believing anything the other boy just said, Seungmin cuts him off mid-sentence. “You know, I’d never _fucking_ hit him or push him away, but I’ll _gladly_ hit you if I want-”

Then it’s Minho’s turn to cut him off as he suddenly laughs, provokingly. “Try me, then, Kim Seungmin.” He says, voice _nastily_ sweet, before laughing again.

Seungmin really hates the sound of it, but all he can do right now is to clench his fist as he glares daggers at the older boy in front of him, his own expression darkening. As much as he wants to see his fist bruise the other boy’s pretty face, his more rational self just wouldn’t allow him to do so – considering they’re in the hospital at the moment and all that shit.

“What’s wrong, _Minnie_? You can’t do it?” Minho coos. Seungmin’s eye twitches in annoyance, knuckles starting to turn white from how hard he’s been clenching his fists. “You act tough, but in reality you’re all just talk-”

This time, Seungmin doesn’t hold back. He takes Minho’s bait and provocations with a stride, and the impact of his fist to the other boy’s pretty face feels so, _so good_. It was months worth of pent-up frustrations and urges released in a single strike. _Promise us that you won’t do anything stupid after this_ , Jisung’s words suddenly popped out in his mind. They’re in the hospital, and he’s sure his more rational self would give him a scolding for what he did, but Seungmin just couldn’t find it in him to give a fuck at the moment.

Gritting his teeth, Seungmin nearly growls when he finally speaks. “You’re so unbelievable. I fucking trusted you! I entrusted _him_ to you, but what did _you_ do? First, you fucking tried to _steal_ him from me, and then now you hurt him. I didn’t care if he still went to you after our confrontation as long as you don’t do anything to him, but you’re just not capable of doing that, are you? Did you think that I forgot about what you did to him years ago? News flash: I didn’t – nor have I completely forgiven and trusted you after you apologized back then. Still, I took the risk, thinking it might help him with his current situation. I guess that was the most stupid decision I’ve ever made in my entire life, huh? Trusting someone like _you_. Your life must be _so sad_ , isn’t it, Lee Minho?”

“ _Fuck you_.” Minho hisses, bringing a hand up to tend on the forming bruise near the corner of his lips.

Seungmin didn’t say anything in return as he slowly takes steps towards Hyunjin’s room. He knows he’s already won when there’s nothing Minho could do aside from spitting meaningless profanity behind his retreating back. He doesn’t really know where everything burning in his insides was coming from, but he boiled with anger, and everything just went blank at that time. In that moment, nothing really mattered to him aside from the time he could see Hyunjin opening his eyes again.

“Do _not_ ever show yourself to any of us again, or I swear you’ll get more than just _that_.” He says one last time before entering the room then locking the door.

It’s only when Seungmin enters the room that he lets himself cry after taking a deep, long breath.

This scene seems so familiar to him, and just like before; the hospital room is cold, but the tears that are flowing down his cheeks are warm as he takes in the sight of his motionless lover on the bed. Seungmin, again, was left wondering:  _when will Hyunjin wake up?_

But one week later, Hyunjin still showed no signs of waking up.

According to the doctor, which is Dr. Han again, Hyunjin’s mind must have been stressed out before he’d fallen asleep when the back of his head received a blow – because it’s _strange_ that he hasn’t woken up yet for this long if the only cause of his slumber was his head hitting against a door. It was even longer than the time he had an accident. Seungmin’s hopes returned to watching the heart monitor beside Hyunjin’s bed. He couldn’t cry anymore, and his heart stayed numb as he watched and waited for any sign of life from his other half.

Winter season is already starting, and the milk tea shop isn’t that popular during this time of the year – so they’d always change their menu, and start serving coffees and other warm beverages.

Between his long hours of work, Seungmin still prioritized Hyunjin over anything else. Working in a company in the morning, then running a milk tea shop in the late afternoon, his hands were always tired by the end of the day – but never too tired to stroke on the soft locks of Hyunjin’s hair, or to hold on the older boy’s cold hands.

Seungmin never missed a single day of visiting his other half, and every single free time in his waking life was spent being by the older boy’s side. Early winter nights found Seungmin falling asleep next to Hyunjin until he was told to go home – because they didn't allow him to stay all night, this time, no matter how he begged – and mornings demanded him to go to work. Jeongin has also completely taken over Seungmin’s spot on the counter, for the reason that he didn’t want to see a  _hobo_  serving drinks to the customers. It lightened up his mood a little, but only for a while.

For a whole week, every single day of Seungmin’s life became a constant, tiresome and languid pattern.

 

 

•••••

 

 

Five days later, Hyunjin finally wakes up. It took him almost two weeks to finally awaken from the deep slumber he was in.

All his memories came rushing into his head – starting from the day of his and Seungmin’s fifth anniversary, to the day of his accident, and to the day Minho pushed him and he hit his head against the door. He remembers the rings he’d bought so he could finally propose to his beloved Seungmin; remembers Seungmin's crying face, his pleading and desperate voice;  _everything_. It was an overwhelming sensation, and Hyunjin has to close his eyes to comprehend each moment and word that are flashing in his mind at the speed of light.

The sun is shining brightly outside, and the lights passes through the large glass window of the hospital room, illuminating everything in sight. It’s barely ten in the morning when Hyunjin looks up at the clock. A glimpse of blue hair catches his attention, and when he turns his head to the side, there’s a boy lying down on the couch. But it’s not Seungmin.  _He’s probably at work_ , Hyunjin thinks as he sits up.

“Jisung?” He calls out.

Surprised, Jisung immediately sits up and looks at him with wide eyes. “Hyunjin, you’re finally awake!” he exclaims, shock still evident on his face.

“Where’s Seungmin?” He asks, stumbling his way off the hospital bed.

Jisung practically sprints his way to the older boy, helping him stand up straight. “Have your memories returned?”

Hyunjin nods. “I _need_ to see him. Where is he?”

“He’s at work,” Jisung informs. “But you’re not allowed to leave yet. Wait here, I’ll call my dad to check you up first.” He says one last time, ushering Hyunjin to sit back on the bed before leaving the room.

Jisung returns five minutes later, with the doctor to do some check-ups – the usual process on a patient who has just woken up from a short-term coma. Hyunjin just sits there, patiently waiting for the doctor to finish what he’s doing.

“Well, everything seems fine to me.” The doctor says when he’s done, giving Hyunjin’s shoulder a pat before finally leaving the room.

Jisung then takes a seat beside him.

“Jiji, can I leave yet?” He asks, looking at the boy beside him with pleading eyes.

“Yep, you can. But we’ll have to call your emergency contact, first.” Jisung informs with a wink followed by a wiggle of his brows.

“Seungmin? Can I call him?” He says excitedly, then goes to search around the room to look for his phone. “Where's my phone?”

“You didn’t bring your phone when you went to Minho’s place on that day.”

Hyunjin frowns as he grows a little impatient. He wants to see Seungmin – no, he  _needs_  to see his boyfriend, right now, or at least hear his voice.

“Can you call him? Jiji, please.” He pleads, looking at the other boy with puppy eyes.

Jisung rolls his eyes at that, then moves a hand up to cover Hyunjin’s small face with it. He fetches his phone from his pocket then dials Seungmin’s number.

Eight calls, but all of them were directed to voice mail. Hyunjin's starting to worry. Jisung gives up after the ninth call, and goes to dial a different number instead.

“Yes, baby?” The voice says from the other line. It’s Changbin. Hyunjin has to bite his lips to stifle a laugh because of how red Jisung’s face has become.

“Binnie, h-hello. Um, i-is Seungmin there with you?" He stutters.

“He’s probably still doing some paperwork for the last hours of his shift this morning. Why?”

Jisung looks up at Hyunjin before answering, lifting his eyebrows in question. The older boy only nods. “Can you please tell him that Hyunjin’s waiting on the place where they first met?”

When Hyunjin rushes out of the hospital, minutes later, the frigid winter air bites at his skin. His body shivers, and he regrets not borrowing a thicker jacket from Jisung. It’s too cold to be outside with such a thin jacket, but Hyunjin only had his mind set on finally seeing Seungmin. He then hails a cab, and tells the driver his destination.

To the place where he first met Seungmin, to the place where  _they_  started.

 

 

•••••

 

 

“Seungmin!” Changbin exclaims the second he takes a step into the office.

Startled, Seungmin practically jumps off his skin, before turning his head to look at the overly-excited  _oversized gnome_  skipping on the way towards him. “Yes...?”

“Oh my god, Seungmin, you won't believe this!” He says, voice a bit too loud for Seungmin’s liking, and it’s barely even afternoon.

“What? Did you grow taller or something?” he replies sarcastically.

“Shut the hell.” Changbin hisses, bringing a hand up to hit the taller boy’s head. “Anyways, Jisung called me a while ago to tell you that Hyunjin has finally waken up!”

Seungmin’s eyes widened at the sudden information, mouth agape as he looks back at his co-worker. He can feel his heart practically pounding against his chest, and tears are starting to form in his eyes. His mind is whirring, and he’s speechless at the overwhelming emotions he’s currently feeling.

It takes him a few minutes to speak again. “Did Jisung tell you where Hyunjin is?” He asks, voice quiet.

Changbin nods. “Jisung told me that Hyunjin is waiting on the place where you first met.”

Without saying a word, Seungmin rushes on his way out of the office, hardly even pulling his jacket onto himself properly. His footsteps are heavy as he makes his way down the pavement on the way to the parking lot. The cold winter wind brushes through his hair, and kisses his cheeks a pink colour.

_Hyunjin is waiting on the place where you first met_ , Changbin’s voice echoes in his mind as he starts the engine of his car. He knows exactly where that place is, and he’s glad that it’s only several minutes away from the company where he’s working at.

 

 

•••••

 

 

Seungmin is twenty-five when he finds a brown-haired boy standing by the edge on the rooftop of the university's tallest building, on a cold afternoon in December. When he steps out of the door of the rooftop with heavy breaths – since he hasn’t even realized that he was running that quickly up the stairs of the building – Hyunjin’s silhouette immediately comes into view.

Slowly, he takes steps forward.

His heart beats faster with every step he makes, and with every breath he takes. The next thing he knows, he’s crying. Fresh tears fall from his eyes, but this time, they’re from the relief and happiness he’s currently feeling.

Seungmin suddenly feels nostalgic at how familiar this scene is to him, except that Hyunjin isn’t going to jump off, and he’s the one who’s crying. When Hyunjin turns around, his arms are wide open, and Seungmin practically jumps onto him as he steps into his open arms for a warm embrace, holding onto him tightly as if his own life depended on the older boy.

“I’m so sorry, Minnie...” Hyunjin whispers onto his hair, hand making soothing circles on the younger’s back as he pulls Seungmin even closer, if possible. There’s nothing Seungmin loved more than feeling of safety that he feels in the arms of his other half, in the arms of Hyunjin.

“I hate you,” Seungmin says onto his chest through sniffles and gasps of air. “I hate you.” He repeats, and keeps on repeating until he’s hitting on the older boy’s chest every time those three words pass through his mouth. “I hate you _so much_.”

Hyunjin lets him. He knows he deserves it, but he also knows that Seungmin meant to say the opposite of those three words. “And I love you _more than anything else in this world_ , Minnie.” He says, gently placing his hands on the younger’s cheeks to make him look up. “Please tell me you don’t hate me too much that you wouldn’t want to marry me, my cute little puppy.”

Seungmin hates the fact that Hyunjin could make jokes in times like this, but he knows he loves him for the same reasons. “I could never,” He says with teary eyes, hitting the older boy’s chest one last time. “I love you _so much_ , Jinnie, and I’m so sorry for-”

“Shh, don’t say sorry, please.” Hyunjin shushes him, shaking his head. He wipes on Seungmin’s tear-stained cheeks with his thumb, eyes never leaving the younger’s gaze. “It’s not your fault, so please stop blaming yourself.”

Seungmin only nods, then he leans forward to press his lips against Hyunjin’s before the older boy could even say another word – and it feels like his entire world is  _complete_  again.

They continue to kiss, both of them just as desperate and wanting, but at the same time the kiss was gentle and sweet. They only pull away from each other when they feel the need to breathe. Seungmin presses their foreheads together with his eyes closed, and they stay like that for some time with their warm breaths fanning across each other’s faces, revelling in the moment where everything is back to the way it used to again.

It’s Hyunjin who speaks first, a few minutes later, breaking the comfortable silence between them. “Seungminie? Do you know what’s the good thing that happened during the time when I have amnesia?” He chuckles. “Well, at least for me.”

Seungmin looks at him with eyebrows raised. “What is it?”

“It’s that, I got the chance to fall in love with you, all over again, for the second time around.” He says with a cheeky grin.

Seungmin rolls his eyes, but he can’t help the smile that’s making its way through his face. “Sappy, aren’t we?”

Hyunjin grins wider, then leans in forward to press his lips against Seungmin’s. “You love it.”

“Oh come here you-” Then Seungmin pulls Hyunjin again for a kiss, arms wrapped tightly around the older boy.

People say love conquers all; Seungmin finally proved it does. But he’d proven it in the hardest way that he could ever imagine. Almost losing Hyunjin made him realize that all things in the world are, indeed, temporary. Still, after everything, he realized that if ever something like that happens again, he’d always try to make them work again. He’d always try to win his other half back, and he’d always try to turn everything back the way it was before – even if it’s a million times all over. He’d never give up on  _them_ , ever. No matter how absurd and unrealistic it sounds, if you truly love someone that _deeply_ , then there’s nothing that could really tear you away from them. Seungmin thinks that, maybe, Jeongin’s words are indeed true.

That he and Hyunjin are  _made for each other_.

 

 

••••• 

 

 

They drive home hours later when it started snowing. Hyunjin has taken over the driver’s seat, and they have wide smiles plastered on their faces as they jam to the songs of their favorite artists on the road. It’s not even six in the evening yet, but the skies are already dark because of the snow that seems to fall endlessly.

Hyunjin lets go of the steering wheel when they stop on a red light, moving his hand to hold on his boyfriend’s hand instead then intertwining their fingers as they wait for the traffic light above to turn green. Seungmin looks at their hands before looking up at Hyunjin with that soft smile of his. Hyunjin melts at the sight, and he can’t help it but smile as well as he squeezes the younger’s hand gently.

When the lights turn green, Hyunjin starts driving again, just as when one of Seungmin’s favorite songs starts playing on the car’s music player.

_That day that brings out memories_

_which I cannot forget;_

_That day was like a warm dream_

_in the middle of the winter_

Seungmin starts singing along with the lyrics, and Hyunjin has to momentarily close his eyes as he listens to his boyfriend’s beautiful voice. It might be an exaggeration, but Hyunjin thinks he could live his entire life just by listening to Seungmin’s voice.

When they are nearing the next traffic light, Hyunjin leaves the accelerator then starts to press on the brake gently to reduce the car’s momentum. But this time, nothing happens and the car is still running at eighty. Hyunjin tries again, but to no avail.

_The warmth we left behind,_

_above the bench in front of the house,_

_disappears without a sound_

Panic starts shooting to every nerve in Hyunjin’s body as he keeps on pressing the brake with more force, but also being careful in an attempt that Seungmin wouldn’t notice him.

But Seungmin did.

The younger boy stops singing along and lets the music player play the rest of the song on its own, casting a confused look at his boyfriend. “Jinnie? Are you okay?” he asks.

Hyunjin nods, then lets out a nervous chuckle, grip tight on the steering wheel. “Y-yeah...” he stutters, clearing his throat afterwards. _Fuck_ , he curses under his breath when he tries stepping on the brake again only to fail once more.

Seungmin frowns when he looks at the front, noticing that they’re almost near the next traffic light yet the car’s speed still seems to be unchanging. “Hyunjin, w-what’s going on?” he asks, swallowing on nothing as his heart rate suddenly starts picking up.

_Good bye_

_Even up until yesterday,_

_I’ve been frozen up inside_

_Just like that_

_Never let go_

_Never let go_

Hyunjin slams his palm against the steering wheel, letting out a growl as he gives up on trying to slow the car down. Seungmin winces, opening his mouth to say something but the older boy beats him to it.

“Minnie, get in the backseat.” He says – no, more like he _demands_ – trying his best to sound calm, but Seungmin notices something in the older boy’s voice; he sounds _afraid_. His knuckles are turning white at how tight he’s been gripping on the steering wheel, gaze intent on the road in front.

“Hyunjin-”

“Seungmin, get in the backseat. Now!” Hyunjin practically cries, looking at the younger boy with wide, shaking eyes. Seungmin visibly startles at that, but he does what he’s told. Swallowing on nothing once again, he undoes his seatbelt then slowly rises up from his seat, stumbling on his way to the backseat as the car’s speed remains constant.

_Until always_

_I thought you would be forever in me but_

_Gotta let go_

_Gotta let go_

A loud honk makes Hyunjin jump off his skin on the driver’s seat as he undoes his own seatbelt as fast as he can. Finally letting go of the steering wheel, Hyunjin practically tackles Seungmin to the backseat, arms wrapped tightly around the younger boy’s frame, eyes closed shut. Seungmin on the other hand has his face buried to the older boy’s chest, clutching on the fabric of his shirt tightly as if his dear life depended on it.

Things escalated quickly after that – faster than any of them could even think.

The last things that Seungmin remembered before everything around him went black were the loud honking of horns around them, and Hyunjin’s faint whisper of ‘I love you’ to his ear, before he felt the impact of their car smashing against something he doesn’t know. Then nothing.

_You were here,_

_it’s winter_

 

 

 

 

 

_January_

_2020_

Seungmin wakes up to the sounds of something clanking to the floor, and a familiar voice of someone whispering, “Oh shit.”

“Dumbass.” Another familiar voice hisses, followed by the sound of skin getting slapped.

“H-hyungs, I think Seungmin hyung is waking up!” a third voice says with a gasp.

It started with a twitch of his eyes, followed by his fingers. Seungmin scrunches his eyes before slowly peeling them open. The first thing he sees is a white blur. _Where am I?_ He asks to himself, blinking his eyes a few times in confusion before slowly turning his head to take a look at his surroundings. He’s in a hospital room. He then sees three familiar figures looming over him from beside the bed where he’s lying down, watching him with wide eyes.

“Innie, please call my dad...” Jisung mumbles. Jeongin only nods in response before practically dashing his way out of the room.

Jeongin returns to the room with the doctor five minutes later, watching as Seungmin stare blankly at the two people beside the bed after he awakened from his deep slumber. Dr. Han walks to Seungmin first, quickly conducting all the necessary physical check-ups on the newly awakened boy. The other three boys in the room obligingly stand on the side as they wait for the doctor to finish what he’s doing.

“Everything seems to be fine to me. His vitals are stable, and the wounds on his head are healing fast, as well as the scratches all over his body, so he may be discharged any time.” Dr. Han says, looking at Seungmin, then at Jisung and the others, before nodding, and giving his son a pat on the shoulder, then walking his way out of the room. Relief floods throughout Jisung’s body, and tears begin to form in his eyes, threatening to fall any time, as he moves to take a seat on the bed.

It’s only when the doctor is gone, and Jisung’s seated next to Seungmin, that he lets the tears fall from his eyes.

Every drop burns the tracks of his tears down his cheeks as he takes Seungmin’s hand in his, and opens his mouth to speak. His words come out incoherently, letting them out through quivering lips, and in between sniffles and sobs. “Seungmin... y-you need to be strong after what I’ll say...” He pauses, taking in a deep breath. “I- I’m so s-sorry, Minmin... b-but Hyunjin is... he’s... h-he didn’t make it.” Changbin moves closer to wrap his arms around Jisung as his fiancé continues to cry, but he’s also about to cry himself as his eyes gloss with tears that are threatening to fall. “I swear to god they t-tried their best to s-save him, Minmin... but... Hyunjin still didn’t- I’m so, _so sorry_ , Seungmin...” Jisung then turns to bury his face on Changbin’s stomach, cries muffled by the fabric of his fiancé’s shirt, but it’s still loud enough that it’s the only sound that can be heard inside the room. Jeongin on the other hand is silently crying as well, eyes scrunched close as a hand covers the lower half of his face, chest heaving with every sob.

Seungmin looks at them, then blinks slowly. There’s a glint of confusion in his eyes, Jisung notices when he pulls away from Changbin a few moments later. He then tilts his head slightly to the side as he takes in the sight of his friends crying beside him, whilst Jisung is holding his hand. Jisung assumes that the slightly younger boy just doesn’t remember their accident, and doesn’t know why he is in a hospital room.

But what Seungmin said the moment he opened his mouth made Jisung think of all the times he’d felt this strange feeling before, and he thinks of none, so he decides that this is the most strange feeling he’s ever felt.

“Who’s Hyunjin?”

Jisung can practically hear his world crumble into a million tiny pieces, and he couldn’t think of a time he’d been hurt like this on behalf of someone else in his entire life.

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> if you reached this part, then I just wanna say THANK YOU for taking time to reading this overwritten and boring sh*t. I'M SO SORRY if this is so horrible but I hope you don't hate me? lol and also, I hope you still liked it and uhhh PLEASE tell me what you think about it? comments and constructive criticism are highly appreciated!
> 
> Songs mentioned:  
> GOT7 - Sick  
> DAY6 - Goodbye Winter
> 
> [twitter](https://www.twitter.com/seungjinize)   
>  [cc](https://www.curiouscat.me/daveu)


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